okitactless | IC inbox; recolle

[God, that stupid little "ow, ow". It really does sort of crash into him all at once, then. That Yasusada is back, that after three weeks of fighting and solving stupid riddles and trying to puzzle through the mysteries of Retrospec just to give his mind something else to focus on, he's finally back. Beat up, sure, but alive. Not missing any limbs. He seems to be in his right mind, and even though Kiyomitsu knows they'll both have a lot of things to talk about and deal with, he can't bring himself to care about it just yet.

The exhaustion in his body ebbs and he finds himself launching at Yasusada again, as if the small gap he's created between them is simply too much. He may or may not knock them both to the ground. He's definitely not going to apologize.]

Geez—!

[He probably stinks like jungle and battle and Kiyomitsu isn't much better, but he holds him just as tightly, pressing his cheek to the side of his head, letting him feel Yasusada breathe and move and exist beneath his fingers, as if that's enough to make up for the weeks of absence.

Questions, though - right. Questions. He can answer these.]

No... I've been here the whole time, working in a stupid bunker in the stupid forest to set this city right. You were the ones who got pulled into unreality.

[The terror of hearing "they'll die" had sunk in partially, but never fully, because he hadn't allowed it to. Fear would have hampered his performance, and that could have been an unforgivable sort of death sentence.

The relief he feels now is ridiculously strong, even so. It sweeps words out of his mouth that he might have otherwise tried biting back.]

You really scared me, you know? No one had any idea where you were! They said you guys were off in a place where you could seriously get hurt and no one could get you back. Not even Mahoney or Maurice knew if you were alive or dead or anything for weeks! You made me so worried, you idiot! [And then, caught on a breath and softer still:]

I missed you, you know? I missed you so much... What was I supposed to do if you didn't come home, Yasusada? I can't-- do that. I can't.

[He sees now that he'd never actually experienced just how lonely an empty apartment could be, even through all their fighting or vacations or "I'm staying over at someone else's house tonight"s. You don't really understand feeling alone until someone you love might never come back.

He regrets ever inflicting this sort of feeling on Yasusada.]

[If it hurts like hell to fall back to the ground, he doesn't show it. He winds his arms around Kashuu's body and lets himself fall, physically and otherwise, into the comfort it provides. He doesn't think about dragons or jungles or ancient temples, all of his attention going to the sound of Kashuu's voice in his ear, the tightness of his grip that Yasusada's matching perfectly. There's too much he wants to do at once--he wants to touch and press and check for serious injuries, he wants to card his fingers through Kashuu's hair for mutual reassurance, but most of all, he just doesn't want to let go.

It's not like when Kashuu came back to Recolle. Back then, he'd been too stunned at the sight of him to fully comprehend just how badly he'd missed his closest friend. This ache in his chest is as new as it is familiar, and it doesn't come from any sort of external wounds.]

Unreality? [There's confusion in his tone, but honestly, he doesn't care that much. The details of their situation have nothing to do with what he's asking.

He opens his mouth to explain, to reassure Kashuu that it hadn't been as bad as that (even if it had been, it absolutely had been), but Kashuu's not done, and he closes it again. Something's there in his throat, but it isn't his words--it's an ugly, sharp thing, mangling his voice and keeping him silent through Kashuu's tirade.

"I can't," he says, and if Yasusada were a cruel person, this would be the perfect time to spit out "Well I did." But Yasusada isn't like that--the thought doesn't even enter his mind. Instead, he turns his head, pressing his face into Kashuu's neck like that will hide the way his voice is shaking.]

I'm sorry. [Of course it wasn't his fault; it wasn't Anya's, it wasn't Tatsuo's, it wasn't Jack's--none of them asked to be ripped away from their loved ones. But that doesn't matter. On the top of his maelstrom of emotions is guilt, and he doesn't realize there are tears slipping out of him until he notices Kashuu's skin getting damp.] I broke our promise.

["I'll always be there, so don't be afraid." He's always been the one left standing--the one left behind. It had never occurred to him that someday, the opposite might occur.

He can't even say he's the one who fought his way back, tooth and nail, to Kashuu's side--even if that's literally what he did to get here. He hadn't been the one to reason with the dragon, nor had he been the one to get them home. No matter how much he'd feared for Kashuu's safety, how much he'd longed for his presence, in the end, he can't say it was his own strength that brought them back together. It hurts, unintended poison coating the shards of Kashuu's unsteady words.] I-- I want to say that I never stopped worrying about you, but it doesn't matter, does it?

[Maybe it does. Maybe it'll help, for Kashuu to know that he'd been his main reason for fighting so hard to get home. It's hard to tell, and Yasusada doesn't want to pull away and look at Kashuu's face just yet. He's still busy absorbing the solidity of his presence, holding on so tightly it could very well bruise.] I'm sorry. I'm sorry... I'm just-- I don't know what I would've done if you weren't here.

[Granted he hadn't intended for Kashuu to trip over his body, but that's not what he means, and he's sure Kashuu knows that. He doesn't bother to specify.]

[It's really unfair, to not try halving this burden. It's unfair to talk like he's the only one who had to deal with separation, but Kiyomitsu's always had a selfish streak, and he can't bring himself to meter his words more elegantly when his emotions are so raw.

He missed Yasusada. He missed him not in the way that he had while he was gone away to Japan, where his memory was a fond and bitter-sweet flitter of nostalgia that he ran away from more often than not. It's the sort of missing someone that makes it so even now, with his arms full, it still doesn't feel like it's enough. Like he's close enough, or like Yasusada is real enough, or like any of the cracks that had shown over the last weeks have been smoothed over.

But then there are the apologies, and the wetness against his neck, and it's all overwhelming all over again. He doesn't cry easily - between the two of them, that's always been Yasusada, even if he's not exactly a crybaby himself. It feels like he might come close this time, though. His eyes sting. It's a pretty unpleasant sensation.

He doesn't pull away from Yasusada yet either, maybe out of some fear that doing so will invite unreality back and snatch him up again. But he does bring a hand up, thumb swiping at his cheek to wipe some of those tears away.]

...It matters. [In a way, anyway. He's selfish enough to get mad over things no one has control over sometimes, but this is not one of those situations. While learning Yasusada worried about him the entire time isn't going to undo the last three weeks, it still helps, in a way.]

It matters, so don't apologize, okay? Don't apologize, Yasusada. Don't say you're sorry like you never made it back.

[He hates that. He hates how real that fear has been. He hates how tightly he has to cling to feel even a small portion of the anxiety lift.

When he opens his mouth, it's with the full intent to chastise - to regain any form of normalcy, because things are balanced too precariously right now and he's far too fragile to deal with these things gracefully. But again, the words tumble out of his mouth of their own accord.]

I love you— I do, you know?

[As true as it had been when he'd said so earlier, but the force behind it is fiercer now, heavier, weighted on his tongue like it's meant to be binding in a way that words simply can't be. In a way that nothing can really be, as they've all learned recently.

It almost takes him by surprise. It's a little funny, even, but he doesn't have it in him to laugh.]

So I know you'll come back. Don't apologize like you might not, one day.

[He's not optimistic enough to believe that there are no other partings in their future, as wildly as they'd both like for that to be true. He never really was.]

[That will never happen.

Even now, the response springs to his mind automatically, fierce and unforgiving of such an abhorrent possibility. He'd meant it wholeheartedly when he'd promised to stay by Kashuu's side, and it hurts enough that uncontrollable circumstances had turned him into a liar. He'd never really thought they'd be trapped forever, letting the events in the jungle carry him through the assumption that they were being pushed towards home.

It's only now that it's hitting him, the thought that never coming home had been an actual, terrifying risk. Kashuu's walked away from him before--Kashuu's died on him before, and as vehemently as he'd rejected the idea of ever letting it happen again, it's only in this moment that he thinks of what it would be like, were he to leave Kashuu behind instead.

His hold doesn't tighten, exactly, but it shifts, turning protective and even a little possessive. He's in no shape to be guarding anyone right now, even from something intangible as fear, but he tries anyway, pulling away just enough to press his forehead against Kashuu's. He doesn't open his eyes just yet, doesn't think he could bear whatever emotions he'd see in Kashuu's eyes. His voice is hard enough to handle, crushing him with raw, heavy honesty, something Yasusada's always longed for; now that he has it, he doesn't know what to do with it.

One of his hands has found its way into Kashuu's hair. He's not quite sure how that happened--an automatic response, maybe, his own body already wanting to soothe the worry out of Kashuu's. But even if he'd wanted to stroke Kashuu's hair like he normally would, he can already feel his fingertips catching on tangles, and maybe that's what does it.]

I know. [Does he really, though? He's never been on the receiving end of this kind of intensity before, and it's different from quiet conversations hidden from the light of early morning. He's whispering, he thinks--or maybe he isn't actually speaking at all. But it's not important. Everything he wants to say... it's not going to come from his words, he already knows that. He just hopes Kashuu knows what to listen for.

"I love you too" could never be enough, after all.]

I don't want it to turn into happy memories. I don't want you to have any more memories that make you sad. I don't-- I never wanted to make you wait for me. [Stating the obvious, like always, but his voice breaks, and he squeezes his eyes shut even harder, trying to keep the rest of his tears from falling. He has enough pain thrumming through his body as it is, he doesn't need to add raw eyes and a headache to the pile.

"...Then don't let go of my hand."]

Don't let go, okay? [It's his turn, now.] I don't know how to say it, so just-- just don't let go.

[All of the things that Yasusada says resonate in him, striking deep and vulnerable parts that he hates acknowledging the existence of. But it's necessary, isn't it? To bridge that gap, to really understand - this sort of pain is necessary. This fear is necessary. He needed it to really, really realize.

He doesn't want happy memories, either. He doesn't want happy memories or sad memories or melancholic ones filled with waiting and hoping and watching people come home who aren't Yasusada.

But Yasusada is here now, and he isn't waiting anymore. His eyes sting. He doesn't cover them, or do anything to pull away or create more space between them both. If anything, he seems to pull himself closer, as if even the smallest gaps allowing air to pass between them are simply unforgivable.]

I won't. I won't, so don't let go either, okay?

[It's worse, he's realizing lately, when your body acts on its own rather than when your mouth runs on its own. At least apologies can be said for sharp and hurtful words, or embarrassing things can be laughed off. Actions are much more solid. They bind in a way that words can't.

And maybe that's why he forces the last of the gap between them away, and presses his lips to Yasusada's.

Is it the time or the place for it? Certainly not. There's very little in this that's romantic; it's more a desperate grab at conveying things he's too clumsy to say, of holding Yasusada as close as he absolutely can. But something in the back of his mind tells him it's fitting, anyway.

Because they'll probably never not make a mess of themselves and the things around them, but honestly? That's what feels like home.]

Edited 2017-08-27 05:57 (UTC)

[Dimly, somewhere in the back of his mind, Yasusada wonders if he should be surprised. It's not like it's something he'd ever actively considered--and somehow, he doesn't think Kashuu had, either. And yet, not a single part of him tenses in shock. He doesn't jerk away, doesn't blush, doesn't even open his eyes as he tilts his head up to meet him halfway. He simply returns the kiss, pressing back firmly enough to make sure he isn't dreaming, but for once not turning anything into an aggressive competition.

It's a mess, but it doesn't matter. He can handle messes, as long as they're making them together.

"Right, this is how it's meant to be."

This isn't the first time he's felt that way. But they'd only been apart for a week, then, and they'd made the conscious decision to stay apart. It had been a subtle thing then, a stray thought lost to stilted apologies and the familiarity of Kashuu's hand in his own. Now, it's a realization that's as overwhelming as it is obvious, as if any other course of action is unthinkable.

"Don't let go," Kashuu tells him, so he doesn't. There's no reason to, anyway--everything he wants to say, he pours into their kiss, keeping them tangled together for as long as he can. Laying like this can't be any more comfortable Kashuu than it is for him, but right now, he doesn't care. Even when they break apart, he doesn't move, speaking against Kashuu's lips so quietly that his words are more felt than heard.]

I... [And despite the pain and the exhaustion, Yasusada can't hold back a small smile.] I got there first.

[...Alright, maybe it's a little bit of a competition.]

[It wouldn't be them without at least a little competition...

In any other situation a comment like that would probably net Yasusada a cuff upside the head, a shove - but he's merciful this time, mindful of the injuries. He still makes an annoyed sound anyway, though, and Yasusada will probably feel his mouth pull into a frown just a hair's breadth away.]

You're unbelievable.

[In all of the best and all of the worst ways, and he wouldn't trade it for anything.

...It's undeniable that his next kiss isn't at least 50% payback for that comment, though, even if it's still soft and full of things he doesn't quite have names for just yet.

The huffiness doesn't last long, either. In a situation like this, who wouldn't be smiling?]

You also stink.

[WELP.]

Take a bath and lemme take a look at your wounds, okay?

[Because-- well. He's been worried about a lot of things and now he has even more to sort and process and it's all a mess they've made, a mess he's somewhat grateful for, but the only thing they can do from here on is move one foot in front of the other. One step at a time. Just like it's always been.

He'll probably recognize later just how stupid it is that it's taken this much time and such extreme circumstances for him to actually put all of the pieces into place. For now, he just revels in the feeling of wholeness that comes with it.]

[He can't help it--even as Kashuu claims his mouth again, he's laughing quietly, and finally, finally his vicelike grip begins to ease. There's still a hint of possessiveness there, a lingering desire to keep Kashuu to himself for just a little longer, but Kashuu's right; jungle water and cabin showers aren't exactly the height of luxury.]

Yeah, yeah. [With noticeable reluctance, he untangles his fingers from Kashuu's hair, smoothing it down once in a brief apology for messing it up even more. He can't hide his wince as he pushes himself up, and even though his arms fall away, he manages to keep one hand on Kashuu's sleeve.]

Help me get there? [He sounds more vulnerable now than he did just moments ago, and maybe that's ridiculous, but. No matter how many times Kashuu's seen him injured, he hates making him worry, especially when that worry is completely justified. He's still in one piece, and honestly, it could've been far worse, but he still doesn't like it.

Like this, he can see Kashuu's own injuries a little more clearly, but that's something he can worry about in a little bit. Once they're both a little more settled.

His vessel is still on the floor beside them. He's forgotten all about it.]

[It's stupid since he's the one who asked for this, but he can't help feeling a little unhappy as Yasusada pushes himself up and pulls away. He wants to keep the reaffirmation of his presence as close as possible, as if it might somehow become less tangible if he doesn't hold it tightly.

He does stink, though.]

Yeah, sure.

[No teasing jabs, since he knows that vulnerability. He'll push himself up - noticing Yasusada's vessel, and reaching down for it. He handles it with care as he holds it back out, like he'd hold Yasusada's actual hand. Once it's taken back, he'll move so he can loop an arm round his shoulders.]

Geez... You really find a way to get into trouble no matter where you are, huh?

[It's almost as impressive as his ability to simultaneously be INFURIATINGLY ANNOYING and INFURIATINGLY ADORABLE. But after bracing, he's ready to stand whenever Yasusada gives him the go-ahead.]

[STOP JUDGING HIM FOR HIS EAU DE JUNGLE KASHUU HE CAN'T HELP IT!!

But as Kashuu gets up, Yasusada does a quick check of his own body, making sure nothing feels any worse than it did before. His ankle still throbs, and it still hurts to breathe, but it feels like he'd been correct in assuming none of his bones had been broken. Somehow... thanks for going easy on him, sonic yari...

He hadn't let anyone touch his vessel in the jungle, not even Anya, so he jumps a little to feel Kashuu's touch. His eyes widen briefly, and all of sudden, the memories come rushing back--everything he'd seen, everything he hadn't been able to share with Kashuu before unreality tore them apart. Any sort of teasing retort he might've offered is wiped from his mind, and he opens his mouth to blurt out everything at once--

--but, no Kashuu's right. It can wait a little longer. He winds an arm around Kashuu's neck in turn, but the look on his face is suddenly serious.]

Kiyomitsu... there's a lot I have to tell you about, later. ["So don't go anywhere," he wants to say, as if all the promises and reassurances just a few moments ago weren't enough. He doesn't say it, nodding slightly so they can stand up, but he might be leaning just a little more closer than he really needs to be.]

[JUDGERS GONNA JUDGE

They really do have a lot to catch up on, though. Kiyomitsu himself is thinking of the last three weeks in particular, of the monsters and the things he'd learned about Retrospec and everything they'd done. Of the things he'd remembered. Of the promises he'd made.

It can all wait.]

I'm not going anywhere.

[Yasusada doesn't have to say it for Kiyomitsu to understand it's there. But it's off to the bathroom for now!! He'll even run the tub for Yasusada, and while it's running, he points to the closed toilet.]

Sit. What's bothering you? I'll take a look.

[Yasusada's pretty sure he could hear it a hundred times, and still feel that same rush of relief. He doesn't say anything, but he knows Kashuu can feel his gratitude anyway, and when they make it to the bathroom, he sits down obediently.]

I think my ankle got the worst of it. [Gesturing to his one (1) swollen ankle... he also tilts his head to the side, pointing to where he hadn't been able to avoid the claws of the monster from his nightmare.] These aren't that deep but I didn't get a chance to clean them... I think the rest is mostly bruises.

[And aside from a few small scrapes he hadn't noticed, probably ones he'd gotten on his way home, he's actually telling the truth. Of course, that doesn't mean they aren't intense bruises, and his back and ribs are especially painful to touch--but there's only so much they can do about that.

He takes his time observing Kashuu, too, reaching out and brushing his fingers over every hint that Kashuu had gotten a little banged up himself. He believes that Kashuu's more-or-less fine, but that doesn't stop him from worrying.]

Did you have to use it? [The sword, he means. Now that he knows what it feels like to kill something with it, it's a question that seems important.]

Edited (whoops) 2017-08-28 03:08 (UTC)

[He kneels down on the floor in front of Yasusada, carefully picking his foot up and resting it on his knee so he can inspect it. He's not exactly a medical professional here, but he's looking for any signs that this might need to be treated by one...]

Monsters out there too, huh? You look pretty beat up.

[Even if there's only the one set of cuts, the bruising itself is hard to look at. By contrast, Kashuu's worst injury is the swelling of his wrist, which was... inevitable, honestly, given all he's done over the last three weeks.

He'll press a bit to check for fractures, but there's no point bandaging anything up before Yasusada takes a bath, so he'll just gingerly place his foot back on the ground.]

I think it'll be okay, but you're going to the doctor right away if it doesn't start looking better soon, got it? I'll clean this for you, too. [His fingers trace a path down next to one of the gashes, frowning.

As for the question:] —Mm, yeah. That's mostly all I used.

[Except for 3 grenades THANKS GRELL.]

Just one.

[In some cases, that would be a source of embarrassment; now, he simply looks tired at the memory of it.]

It was the same kind I've seen in memories, but... it was a lot stronger than I thought. And there was another person in the room. [A noncombatant, which he figures is obvious. And between those two points, it's also probably obvious why he's in such a state--between an Extra Strength enemy and somebody that needed protecting, there's no question that Yasusada would've thrown his everything into the fight.]

Oh, and I guess the dragon counts too. [And all the battles he got into on the way home?! YAMS PLEASE KEEP TRACK OF THESE THINGS

But of course he's not doing that. He's looking at Kashuu instead with something like understanding, tinged with sadness.]

It's... not a good feeling. [Maybe Kashuu's used to it by now. He's had the stronger bond with his blade from the start, after all. Still, he sighs softly, shaking his head just a little.]

It could've been worse, though. I thought for sure I'd lose it when we went over that waterfall... [HE DOESN'T NEED DROWNING TRAUMA there's already a gumi sword for that!!]

["It's not a good feeling", he says, and Kiyomitsu drops into a discomforted sort of silence after that because he has grown used to it. He grew used to it far too easily, and even if he tells himself it's out of necessity's sake, that doesn't change much, if anything.

But he doesn't focus on that. He just hums a little - his noncommittal "not agreeing or disagreeing" sound.

And then he sighs, which is much more obviously I'm Fucking Tired.]

You're gonna have to explain this to me later, you know. I wanna hear about it all. [...] It's a miracle you're not more beat up than this, too. [......]

Are you alright? [That's a general question, but specifically:] If you had to deal with that thing from your memories, it must have been tough.

[He still remembers Yasusada's scream, the night he had that nightmare. His hand raises briefly, fingers ghosting against visible bruises.]

[If he understands what lies unspoken there, Yasusada doesn't show it. He hasn't really accepted what he is yet, hasn't had the time to really sit down and process the things he'd seen and heard in his mind. It's too much to think about right now, so he doesn't, instead reaching out to tangle their fingers together.]

I will. [And he means it; once he's clean and settled, he has no intention of doing anything but curling up with Kashuu and telling him all about what had happened when they'd been apart. As if anything could make up for that missed time.

He doesn't answer right away, but the look on his face shows that he's genuinely considering the question. Is he alright? He hasn't stopped to think about it since the battle, seeing as they'd been thrown against a dragon almost immediately after. If he wakes up in a cold sweat with an icy glow behind his eyelids and phantom claws at his throat, he won't really be that surprised.

Still, he settles for a slow nod.] A little bit, at first, but... losing wasn't an option. [He'd already had to get Jack more involved than he'd wanted to, but it couldn't be helped. If Yasusada had fallen there, leaving Jack to fight it off alone... now that, that would not be okay one bit. But he won, in the end, and that's what matters.] It might help, now. Knowing that we can win against them.

[It's good to have that reassurance, just as it's good to know that Yasusada isn't... Well, he's not exactly doing great, but he's not doing as badly as he could be, either. It's awful that "good enough" has become what he's had to settle for so often, but it's not like he can help it.

The mention of knowing that they can win against those creatures has him smiling, if only briefly.]

We have before.

[A lot of times, presumably. Lots and lots. Which brings him to--]

...I've got a lot to tell you, too.

[Not just related to the last three weeks after all, because now that they're on this track, he's remembering just how much he's pieced together (because he had to promptly set it aside to focus on the more important task at hand - getting the missing people back.)

For now, he just gives Yasusada's hand a squeeze and then stands to stop the water.

Just to try recapturing some vague sense of normalcy with a light tease:] You don't need any help with this, yeah?

[The certainty with which Kashuu says it has his head tilting with curiosity, but he doesn't press. For once, he's confident Kashuu isn't going to dodge around anything; besides, he can kind of already guess where it's coming from.

He smiles back, shooing Kashuu out of the bathroom with a wave of his hand. It takes some time to get clean, as he tries to bite back any noises of pain or discomfort, and no matter how much he wants to cling to Kashuu's side, it's a genuine struggle not to fall asleep in the gloriously warm water. He can feel the minor scrapes and cuts beginning to heal, and already, he feels better than he has in... well, in literal weeks.

Once he summons up the energy to leave the tub, it's much easier. He's still in pain, and it's going to be a thousand times worse tomorrow, but he's clean and relaxed and that's enough to have him hobbling to his room on his own strength. He doesn't bother looking as he throws on the clothes nearest to him, but he does stop to grab a brush before shuffling into Kashuu's room. He doesn't knock, but then, he never really did in the first place.]

Better? [There's quiet amusement in his tone even as he scoots over to flop onto Kashuu's bed, eager to get off of his sprained ankle.] Or do I still smell like a jungle?

[He's used to the room invasions, it's true... And it's welcome now, after three weeks of returning home to sleep at night without the sounds of Yasusada doing whatever elsewhere in the apartment, or barging in to show him stupid things on the phone, ask him weird questions, whatever else.

He'll sit up on his bed once Yasusada flops over onto it, pulling his legs up and reaching automatically for the brush that he sees in his hand.]

Hm... [Leans over and SNIFFS HIM because this is just a thing he does in all lives, apparently.] ...Nope, you're good! Turn around.

[Time to sink back into the blessed routine that he missed so much he feels he might cry about it, just a little. But he doesn't, of course.]

You wanna go first?

[WHY IS KASHUU A BLOODHOUND why you gotta be a sniffing creeper...

Except Yasusada absolutely doesn't mind; he's still reveling in how much better he feels, simply knowing that Kashuu is just a touch away. And he's not even that for long, since he's scooting over to rest his head on Kashuu's lap, apparently uncaring that he's getting his wet puppy hair all over Kashuu's clothes... some things truly never change.

He doesn't really like not being able to see Kashuu's face, even being so close together. Like he'll look up and see he'd been dreaming all along, that he'd fallen asleep on Anya or something and they're still trapped in the jungle. But it can't be helped, so he closes his eyes, sighing quietly.]

There were... twelve of us, I think. Anya was there too. We got dropped into some jungle... all the green hurt my eyes a little bit. [Since he'd gotten used to all the gray, for the most part.] We saw two little floating lights, I guess they were? Something forced us to follow them, so we split up. We found a watchtower with a radio that had the Retrospec logo on it, and some other stuff, but all of it got stolen by monkeys.

[Good lord the disdain in his voice right now?? That's right, there's finally an animal that Yasusada hates even more than cats. INCREDIBLE.]

We chased them and ended up near a waterfall, and Anya decided to try and keep chasing the monkeys... anyway, we ended up getting pushed over the waterfall. I still don't really know how we survived that one.

[And then they'd arrived a camp that seemed to be made for their arrival, which was suspicious as hell--except that Yasusada hadn't thought much of it, too busy desperately trying to make sure his vessel was undamaged.

There's more to it, but he hesitates, reluctant to continue without addressing the biggest thing on his mind.]

But before all of that, I saw another memory.

Hey—!

[YASUSADA he can't brush your hair when your head is in his lap?! Also gross, he doesn't want the remnants of bath water on him!!

...

But after like, less than five seconds, he starts finger-combing through Yasusada's hair instead. This is fine too, he supposes. Either way, he'll listen while Yasusada explains things, not really seeming too surprised by any of it. It's wild shit, but he stole pearls from an underwater seahorse racing track after growing gills and pretending to be a jockey. He feels very little can surprise him now.

There are a few hums of acknowledgment as he goes, and a frown of disapproval he can't see but probably knows is there when he mentions the waterfall. He doesn't like learning about these dangerous things after they happen... But it's better than not knowing at all.]

—Yeah? What did you see that time?

[SURE HE CAN come on Kashuu you're a beauty guru figure it out

But yes, Yasusada can feel that frown, and he's too tired to even flinch away from it. He doesn't like upsetting Kashuu, especially when it's something as uncontrollable as this, but it can't be helped. Besides, it wasn't like he jumped in on purpose.

He doesn't answer right away, and with his careful breathing, it probably looks like he's fallen asleep. But he isn't--he's sorting his thoughts out, wondering how to explain.]

Right before I got sucked into that portal... I saw you. It felt like it had been a long time... like, a really long time. [AS IN, CENTURIES.] You were telling me... that we'd been given bodies, so that we could fight a war. [He opens his eyes, but doesn't turn his head to look at Kashuu's face. He's staring absently into the distance, thinking about what the Kashuu in his memories had told him.] Kiyomitsu, I'm-- pretty sure we were these swords.

[He's quiet for another moment, then adds softly--] And I remembered... someone bringing me home, too. Not at the same time, that one came later on, but... I felt really happy about it, so it must've been him. The same person I keep seeing.

[Yasusada is staring out into the distance, and Kiyomitsu is staring down at him, but there's still a similar sort of absence in his look. It's...

Well, it's obviously not a surprise to him, for once. He'd had all the pieces he needed to put things together for so long, but he kept-- shoving it aside, trying not to look at it, trying to pretend that it wasn't a thing. And then everything went to shit and he had to deal with the harsh reality twice within as many weeks. Of the very strong probability that he'd once belonged to Soujirou in the way an object belongs to its owner. Of Baren, talking about spirit objects.

He still doesn't have the word for it - tsukumogami - but there's no real way he can keep denying what he does know.]

The Historical Retrograding Force - that's the name of the enemy we were summoned to fight. The war we were part of took place across time, since that army was made up of Historical Revisionists. They were trying to change the past.

[Some of that, he's known for a while. Other things, like the actual name of the army, are relatively new.]

...You're right, I think. No-- I'm almost sure. [A beat.] I remembered something like that too, a while ago. I just didn't really get what it meant back then, y'know? But it's like finding somewhere to belong. ...I think I know the person-- who that person was, I mean. For me, anyway. The one who picked me.

[His hands, which had stilled briefly, continue brushing through Yasusada's hair, carefully picking apart the tangles. He laughs, just a little.]

I think it might've been Soujirou. Weird, huh?

[It's when Kashuu starts speaking that Yasusada stills, taking in everything he's hearing. Now the urge to look at Kashuu is strong, but he stays where he is, unwilling to risk Kashuu pulling his fingers away. He hums quietly, a thoughtful sound of acknowledgement.

Finding somewhere to belong... yes, that's exactly what it felt like. Maybe it's something he shouldn't be admitting, but... he'd felt happier in that memory than he ever has at the dojo, even back during the golden days when all of them were together like a family. He doesn't think he's ever felt such a sense of love and devotion before--it's almost a little scary, even to him.]

Soujirou...? [He murmurs, and the curiosity wins out, urging him to turn his head and look at Kashuu's face.] Why do you say that?

[He doesn't pull his fingers away, even when Yasusada looks at him. There's a pause, for a second - a little hitch as he decides how he wants to proceed. A smile that doesn't quite fit follows, but his hands still pull through Yasusada's hair tenderly.]

He remembered the night I died, just... from another angle. Got a sword back that looked just like mine too, but broken.

[There's no way of definitely proving that it's the exact same, considering they'd both remembered different pieces of what could be the same night. But the sword had certainly been an undeniable connection, as massively discomforting as it was in about fifty different ways.]

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