okitactless | IC inbox; recolle

[GOOD QUESTION. Anyway no one will have to wait and see how well a kitten survives a fall from the counter, because Kashuu's scootin on over to scoop it up. Has Yamato ever seen him hold something so tenderly or look at it with such affection?? Probably not honestly, cats are better than people.]

My phone was out of battery! And it's only for a little while, and I'll totally keep him in my room so it'll be fine, right? Oh, unless I'm working in the living room, 'cause he gets to be my little sewing assistant.

[Kashuu's phone is made of bologna that's what's happening here. But ugh, why is Kashuu making that face, it's not? fair??? Yamato's heart of ice is immune to kitty mewls or purrs or anything like that, but all Kashuu has to do is be genuinely delighted about something for him to cave, 95% of the time. UGH.

Kashuu doesn't have to know that, though, so Yamato just raises an eyebrow.]

Wow, I didn't know you were so eager to have a litterbox next to your clothes. I would've bought you one for Christmas if I'd known.

[Getting cat litter on his fabric... stinking up his room... KASHUU SURE DOES LIKE SOME STRANGE THINGS]

[They're each other's mutual weakness and it's the actual stupidest thing in the world but HERE THEY ARE...]

I mean, it'd be ideal if we could just keep it in the bathroom but I know that you think all cats are like, the literal spawn of satan or whatever. So! I'm making a sacrifice 'cause this little guy deserves a good place to sleep and eat and play.

[HIS SON CAT!!!!!]

I do not! I just think they're bad luck.

[Though you couldn't tell that by the way he goes on about them... even now he's looking at the kitten like it personally attacked him just by existing?? Yams what did cats ever do to you honestly]

If it's just for a while-- [EMPHASIS] --then I don't care where he goes, as long as he stays away from my stuff.

[If he sees a single hair on his kendo hakama Kashuu... A SINGLE ONE...]

And don't expect me to pick up your slack when you find out how hard it is to take care of it! I don't love you enough to shovel poop!

They're not bad luck! And I can clean up after a cat, geez. [HUFFS AND PUFFS...

But also.]

C'mon, Yasu, just hold him for a second.

[HOLD THE KITTEN!! He's scooting closer, still keeping the little fluffball cuddled to his chest, but just waiting for the prime opportunity to dump him into Yamato's arms.]

Let's talk about that after a week or two.

[THIS THING BETTER BE GONE LONG BEFORE THAT OOOOH LORD... but even as he thinks it, he already knows it won't be, just like he knows he's gonna end up cleaning the goddamn litter box sooner or later. WHY THIS.

And predictably, he just gives the two of them an unimpressed look, staying right where he is.]

Why? He looks perfectly happy where he is. [Which is true--the cat is staring at him like it Knows he doesn't want to touch it, but it doesn't seem to be in any hurry to leave Kashuu's arms, lazily kneading his sleeve.]

[Kashuu doesn't even bother saying anything about that... He's still totally under the impression that he'll be able to 110% manage taking care of a cat by himself, let him live his dream.

Instead, he dedicates himself to his NEW LIFE GOAL: GET YAMATO TO HOLD THE CAT. Clearly they're going to have to work their way up to that, though.]

Come ooon! At least pet him? Please? His head's so soft! And look at his little tail...

[Who can resist soft kittens?? Yamato, apparently.]

[NO, no delusions for Kashuu, only stinky cat poop and crazed 1 a.m. kitten rampages.

That's absolutely true, though, there's no way Yamato's going to hold it. But Kashuu did say please, and if he's going to be forced to coexist with this creature, maybe he should at least see what it feels like. Y'know, so he doesn't accidentally smack it off his face when it decides to crawl on him in the middle of the night, which is also something that is definitely going to happen.]

He's not going to like me, you know. [JUST ASSUMING... there's noticeable reluctance on his face even as he takes a few steps forward, as if he expects the cat to suddenly leap at him with its claws out.

But the kitty stays put until he's within petting distance, so gingerly, he reaches out to tap it's little noggin with one finger. HOW DO YOU CAT.]

[Good thing this cat is lazy as hell, so it doesn't suddenly leap at him with its claws out... Kashuu looks like he might whack him if his hands were free, though.]

Pet him properly!

[That's not how you pet a cat.]

I'm getting to it!

[HOW THE HECK IS HE SUPPOSED TO KNOW WHAT CATS LIKE!! Ugh, this is the worst. Kashuu could've asked him to stick his hand in a bucket of worms and he'd take that over this right now.

Gingerly, he drags one hand down its back; which it doesn't seem to mind, but doesn't seem to like, either. After a second of thought--dogs like their ears scratched, so maybe--he moves back to its head, scratching at the white patch. For as much of a bull in a china shop as Yamato can be sometimes, he's perfectly capable of being gentle.

Which is good, because then the kitten mewls and he yanks his hand away.] See! It doesn't like it! [YAMS STOP]

Oh my god, you actual idiot. One, if he didn't like that you would definitely know. Two, do I seriously have to show you how to pet a cat?

[WHY DOES HE PUT UP WITH YAMATO AGAIN??

Anyway, with the hand that the kitten isn't clinging to, he'll raise it up and scratch gently behind its ears and around the nape of its neck in little circular massage-like motions. After just a few seconds, the kitten is purring and looking sleepy.]

See? Try to pet shoulders and up since a lot of 'em don't like their backs or legs or tails being touched too much.

[He puts up with Yamato because Yamato's soft enough to let him smuggle in a cursed creature from Demonland!!!]

How am I supposed to know that?! It's not like I've ever had one! [GOSH.] And they totally bite you with no warning.

[Sure, it's small and adorable now but it'll still turn into a cat, and those aren't even cute enough to make up for their demon natures...

...But after a second, he tentatively reaches back over, copying Kashuu's movements.] Like this?

[TRUE... Also Yamato has a good point there which is exactly why Kashuu straight-up just doesn't address it. What a good friend.]

They give you warnings, you just have to know what to watch out for.

[God, Yams!!

Anyway, even though the kitten stirs a little at a New Hand, he seems pretty content to just chill in Kashuu's arms and let Yamato pet him.]

Mmhm! See?

They do not.

[KASHUU IS BIASED AND FULL OF LIES.

...Yamato's definitely more wary than the kitten is, though, freezing again as soon as it moves. But it seems happy enough to be lazy, so he tries again, giving it a few more pets before he pulls back.

Alright, fine, it's kind of cute. Whatever!!]

I'm getting us a dog. [yams]

You can get one after we move to a bigger place. Don't be mean and coop him up inside while we're stuck in this dump.

[HE SAYS THAT NOW to be placating, but he'll gripe the day Yamato actually brings home a puppy... Until he inevitably falls in love with it and regrets everything.

For now though, he's got this CAT. THIS CUTE CAT. What else could he need in life?]

It's not so bad, though - right? The cat.

Well you're going to be the rich and famous one, so make sure you get us a yard.

[Just continues casually assuming they're going to live together for the rest of their days, because they are just that Not Gay. smdh

The best he can offer is a shrug, though.]

I don't know what you want me to say, Kiyomitsu. Sure, it's cute now, but it's barely been ten minutes. Give it a chance to shed fur over all your clothes or something... and we're not keeping it so it doesn't matter what I think I anyway.

[HE CAN FIGHT THE INEVITABLE ALL HE WANTS]

Fine, fiiine. Or I'll at least get a penthouse suite with a nice rooftop garden.

[He's gotta live in the heart of the city!!

Anyway, with Yamato and the cat successfully(???) acquainted, he'll just... well. He was going to set the cat on the floor so he could explore, but it seems Cat has fallen asleep in his arms. Kashuu nearly dies on the spot.]

Oooh...! I love him already! But you better close your door if you don't want him getting into your stuff, since I'm gonna let him explore soon.

I guess, just make sure it's not too high up or it's going to suck if the fire alarm goes off.

[Which he assumes it will?? Look even he sets theirs off every now and then, it happens...

But while Kashuu is busy dying of cute kitten syndrome, Yamato just raises an eyebrow, looking vaguely threatening.]

If he messes up any of my kendo stuff he's going right out the door.

[HE WOULDN'T DO THAT but oooooh would he be tempted...]

If it's a penthouse, it's gonna be high up.

[So clearly they're just going to have to learn how to parkour their way down...]

Anyway, he's just a cat! He doesn't know what he's getting into, that's why you have to keep your stuff away from him.

[He sounds so understanding now but wait until he leaves a project out and Cat uses it as a scratching pad.]

No way! He's your cat, so you need to keep him away from my stuff. [Has Yamato ever used that many verbal italics in a sentence before? Like, ever?? HIS FEELINGS ABOUT CATS ARE 2STRONK.]

Who did you even get him from, anyway?

[WHY IS HE LIKE THIS... Kashuu huffs and puffs like the brat he is.]

I can't control a cat!

[No one can control a cat!! Not even Kashuu, despite the fact that he's probably the most cat-like person Yamato knows...]

If I tell you, are you gonna go hunt 'em down or something?

[He sure is?? Though that kind of makes sense, it's not like cats are good with other cats. Yet another reason why they're the worst.]

Of course not, I'm not that cruel. It's not their fault you're a huge sucker. [WHAT A PUNK]

[Why must Yamato be like this...]

It's not my fault they're so cute and soft. [He's weak. HE'S WEAK.] Anyway, Karkat's cats had kittens and some of the people who were supposed to take 'em got... y'know. [Makes a vague hand gesture?!] Whatever happens when people forget about Retrospec.

[HE'S WEAK!! Thankfully Yamato is stronk and will save them from the fluffy menace, which has just stretched out a little paw and sleepily hooked its little claws to Kashuu's shirt.]

Oh... [Ah, that's... awkward. And not really something he wants to ponder too much--he really doesn't want to know what life is like, when someone you know suddenly forgets about the madness that is reality.

So he just sighs, shaking his head slightly.] Just don't keep him too long. He'll get attached and so will you. Getting a pet shouldn't a spur of the moment choice, you know?

[Look, at least that's... a reasonable point. At least finances aren't a huge issue, or else he'd really be adamant about this.]

Hey, hey...

[This is how you can tell just how weak he is: Instead of immediately SHRIEKING ABOUT LOOSE THREADS, he just sort of gently starts working the cat's claws out of his shirt. It's futile since Cat will just rehook it again a few seconds later BUT WHATEVER...]

Anyway- [Because he's not going to acknowledge that "don't keep him too long" part.] -it wasn't super spur of the moment. I talked to him about his kittens when he was first offering 'em up too, but I wasn't sure we'd have enough space.

[He's talked to like 3 cat lovers since then who have insisted that space doesn't matter so much as toys and having things to climb, though.]

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