okitactless | IC inbox; recolle

[Good thing this cat is lazy as hell, so it doesn't suddenly leap at him with its claws out... Kashuu looks like he might whack him if his hands were free, though.]

Pet him properly!

[That's not how you pet a cat.]

I'm getting to it!

[HOW THE HECK IS HE SUPPOSED TO KNOW WHAT CATS LIKE!! Ugh, this is the worst. Kashuu could've asked him to stick his hand in a bucket of worms and he'd take that over this right now.

Gingerly, he drags one hand down its back; which it doesn't seem to mind, but doesn't seem to like, either. After a second of thought--dogs like their ears scratched, so maybe--he moves back to its head, scratching at the white patch. For as much of a bull in a china shop as Yamato can be sometimes, he's perfectly capable of being gentle.

Which is good, because then the kitten mewls and he yanks his hand away.] See! It doesn't like it! [YAMS STOP]

Oh my god, you actual idiot. One, if he didn't like that you would definitely know. Two, do I seriously have to show you how to pet a cat?

[WHY DOES HE PUT UP WITH YAMATO AGAIN??

Anyway, with the hand that the kitten isn't clinging to, he'll raise it up and scratch gently behind its ears and around the nape of its neck in little circular massage-like motions. After just a few seconds, the kitten is purring and looking sleepy.]

See? Try to pet shoulders and up since a lot of 'em don't like their backs or legs or tails being touched too much.

[He puts up with Yamato because Yamato's soft enough to let him smuggle in a cursed creature from Demonland!!!]

How am I supposed to know that?! It's not like I've ever had one! [GOSH.] And they totally bite you with no warning.

[Sure, it's small and adorable now but it'll still turn into a cat, and those aren't even cute enough to make up for their demon natures...

...But after a second, he tentatively reaches back over, copying Kashuu's movements.] Like this?

[TRUE... Also Yamato has a good point there which is exactly why Kashuu straight-up just doesn't address it. What a good friend.]

They give you warnings, you just have to know what to watch out for.

[God, Yams!!

Anyway, even though the kitten stirs a little at a New Hand, he seems pretty content to just chill in Kashuu's arms and let Yamato pet him.]

Mmhm! See?

They do not.

[KASHUU IS BIASED AND FULL OF LIES.

...Yamato's definitely more wary than the kitten is, though, freezing again as soon as it moves. But it seems happy enough to be lazy, so he tries again, giving it a few more pets before he pulls back.

Alright, fine, it's kind of cute. Whatever!!]

I'm getting us a dog. [yams]

You can get one after we move to a bigger place. Don't be mean and coop him up inside while we're stuck in this dump.

[HE SAYS THAT NOW to be placating, but he'll gripe the day Yamato actually brings home a puppy... Until he inevitably falls in love with it and regrets everything.

For now though, he's got this CAT. THIS CUTE CAT. What else could he need in life?]

It's not so bad, though - right? The cat.

Well you're going to be the rich and famous one, so make sure you get us a yard.

[Just continues casually assuming they're going to live together for the rest of their days, because they are just that Not Gay. smdh

The best he can offer is a shrug, though.]

I don't know what you want me to say, Kiyomitsu. Sure, it's cute now, but it's barely been ten minutes. Give it a chance to shed fur over all your clothes or something... and we're not keeping it so it doesn't matter what I think I anyway.

[HE CAN FIGHT THE INEVITABLE ALL HE WANTS]

Fine, fiiine. Or I'll at least get a penthouse suite with a nice rooftop garden.

[He's gotta live in the heart of the city!!

Anyway, with Yamato and the cat successfully(???) acquainted, he'll just... well. He was going to set the cat on the floor so he could explore, but it seems Cat has fallen asleep in his arms. Kashuu nearly dies on the spot.]

Oooh...! I love him already! But you better close your door if you don't want him getting into your stuff, since I'm gonna let him explore soon.

I guess, just make sure it's not too high up or it's going to suck if the fire alarm goes off.

[Which he assumes it will?? Look even he sets theirs off every now and then, it happens...

But while Kashuu is busy dying of cute kitten syndrome, Yamato just raises an eyebrow, looking vaguely threatening.]

If he messes up any of my kendo stuff he's going right out the door.

[HE WOULDN'T DO THAT but oooooh would he be tempted...]

If it's a penthouse, it's gonna be high up.

[So clearly they're just going to have to learn how to parkour their way down...]

Anyway, he's just a cat! He doesn't know what he's getting into, that's why you have to keep your stuff away from him.

[He sounds so understanding now but wait until he leaves a project out and Cat uses it as a scratching pad.]

No way! He's your cat, so you need to keep him away from my stuff. [Has Yamato ever used that many verbal italics in a sentence before? Like, ever?? HIS FEELINGS ABOUT CATS ARE 2STRONK.]

Who did you even get him from, anyway?

[WHY IS HE LIKE THIS... Kashuu huffs and puffs like the brat he is.]

I can't control a cat!

[No one can control a cat!! Not even Kashuu, despite the fact that he's probably the most cat-like person Yamato knows...]

If I tell you, are you gonna go hunt 'em down or something?

[He sure is?? Though that kind of makes sense, it's not like cats are good with other cats. Yet another reason why they're the worst.]

Of course not, I'm not that cruel. It's not their fault you're a huge sucker. [WHAT A PUNK]

[Why must Yamato be like this...]

It's not my fault they're so cute and soft. [He's weak. HE'S WEAK.] Anyway, Karkat's cats had kittens and some of the people who were supposed to take 'em got... y'know. [Makes a vague hand gesture?!] Whatever happens when people forget about Retrospec.

[HE'S WEAK!! Thankfully Yamato is stronk and will save them from the fluffy menace, which has just stretched out a little paw and sleepily hooked its little claws to Kashuu's shirt.]

Oh... [Ah, that's... awkward. And not really something he wants to ponder too much--he really doesn't want to know what life is like, when someone you know suddenly forgets about the madness that is reality.

So he just sighs, shaking his head slightly.] Just don't keep him too long. He'll get attached and so will you. Getting a pet shouldn't a spur of the moment choice, you know?

[Look, at least that's... a reasonable point. At least finances aren't a huge issue, or else he'd really be adamant about this.]

Hey, hey...

[This is how you can tell just how weak he is: Instead of immediately SHRIEKING ABOUT LOOSE THREADS, he just sort of gently starts working the cat's claws out of his shirt. It's futile since Cat will just rehook it again a few seconds later BUT WHATEVER...]

Anyway- [Because he's not going to acknowledge that "don't keep him too long" part.] -it wasn't super spur of the moment. I talked to him about his kittens when he was first offering 'em up too, but I wasn't sure we'd have enough space.

[He's talked to like 3 cat lovers since then who have insisted that space doesn't matter so much as toys and having things to climb, though.]

[He loves it enough to let it claw at his shirt, but not enough to give it a name... incredible.

But wait.]

...so you've been planning to sneak home a cat for a while, is that it? [KASHUU YOU ARE NOT HELPING YOUR OWN CASE]

[Oh yeah, that's kind of what he gave away there, isn't it...]

—No! I wasn't looking back then.

[This is only a partial lie!!]

Kiyomitsu!

[IT'S OBVIOUSLY A LIE WHAT THE HELL]

[DON'T KIYOMITSU HIM, IT'S THE FAULT OF THE CATS FOR BEING TOO CUTE.]

I wasn't gonna get any, seriously! They were just really cute and I wanted to look!

Right, just like you "just wanted to look" at those earrings you got last week?

[KASHUU. HE KNOWS YOU. GIVE IT UP.

It's too late now, in any case?! He isn't so cruel that he'd just toss a small animal out the door, and helping to find it a new owner would be taking on more responsibility than he really wants, as far as this stupid cat is concerned.

So he just sighs, rubbing his forehead and stepping over to pick up some of the things Kashuu brought in along with Cat.] I won't make you take it back to a shelter, but don't complain when you've got to scoop up cat poop.

I won't complain!

[They both know this is as true as him "just wanting to look" at earrings... But he'll carefully shift Cat into the crook of one arm so he can help pick up stuff with his free hand, too. Cat is surprisingly docile at least, but that might just be because he's a sleepy, sleepy kitty who needs a nap.]

Geez... Have at least a little faith in me here.

I do have faith in you.

[...]

I have faith that you'll complain but still be a pushover every time it blinks at you.

[SO RUDE but look, is he wrong... no he isn't and he knows it. He's also still vaguely grumpy, mostly because Kashuu didn't tell him ahead of time (though let's be real, even if he had Yamato would've caved eventually anyway, HE'S WEAK TOO save them all).

At least he's helping, though, which Yamato actually didn't expect. YOU CAN'T WIN HIS FAVOR BACK LIKE THIS KASHUU (yes he can)]

...Moisten the dry food a little bit at first when you give it to him, it'll be easier for him to eat. [why does he know this]

[SEE at least this way Yamato can protect his dignity by being grumpy and irritated over a surprise cat attack instead of slowly being broken down by Kashuu's intense desire and wheedling to bring one home...

He'll glance over somewhat curiously at that, though. Karkat's given him a pretty thorough rundown of cat care so he's not surprised by the advice itself so much as who it's coming from.]

Have you taken care of cats before or did you just learn their weaknesses?

IC inbox; recolle

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