Yamato no Kami Yasusada (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
okitactless) wrote2017-01-25 07:26 pm
okitactless) wrote2017-01-25 07:26 pmIC inbox; recolle
Yasusada
I'd rather be doing kendo
VOICE | TEXT | VIDEO | ACTION
okitactless) wrote2017-01-25 07:26 pm
also toward the end of the event... | text
They start off as memories. The blue flowers in the forest, him slicing through them effortlessly -- except the flowers are people, and together they scream as they fall.
He runs through a village with tiny steps and tiny hands and a huge sword, excitement and an eagerness to please filling his breast. Culling people is so easy, he finds; they mill around with buckets suspended over their shoulders or trying to give away food, and it's literally child's play to run up and cut them down. Some begin to run, which makes things a little more interesting. But there isn't much of anywhere to hide, so Yato finds them eventually.
Together, he and Hiki are so good at hide-and-seek.
He knows he's done when there's no more screaming or crying. The village is silent except for the deep calling of crows and motionless except for the wind bending the leaves. The smell of people when he cuts them is everywhere now, and their scarlet dye paints the ground. As he looks around, it's clear that he got so much done. Father will be so happy.
And there's Father right over there! There's a smile on his face and such words of praise, Yaboku knows he's been a good boy.
Yato wakes up in an awful sweat, breathing hard and fighting down a wave of nausea. This again... The first time it happened he could try to ignore it, but now it lingers. And there are other dreams -- different, surreal, but just as horrible, a beautiful woman crying at him to stop cutting down her precious, monstrous children.
He can't bottle it up anymore. Who can he talk to? ...
And so Yamato will receive a text in the dead of night. ]
Hey Yasu are you awake?
I'm here for pain
Still, being tiny is exhausting. Between keeping both himself and Kashuu away from the woods (and those voices can go fuck themselves, honestly), and struggling to get around their own apartment, it hasn't left him with much time or energy to dream at all.
Unfortunately, Yamato's always been good at exhausting himself beyond the reach of sleep, both mentally and physically. Half the time, he ends up doing little more than dozing, which is the case right now. He hasn't slept well since this began, especially not after Kashuu almost wandered out to his rainy death. So while the buzzing of his phone startles him into full consciousness, it doesn't take him long to shoot back a reply.]
yes what's wrong
[Midnight texts tend to mean shitposting or serious conversations ahead. With his superstitious paranoia in full gear, he's assuming the latter.]
comrade...
Yato pauses. How many serious late night texts does Yamato get... ]
So like
I've been having some bad dreams and I can't get them off my mind.
I thought bouncing them off someone else might help...
But only if you don't need to be up early for an exam or something. (´･ω･`)
[ Because the simple act of getting around isn't hard enough -- everyone has to wake up super early to compensate for the travel time... ]
Re: comrade...
ANYWAY. He's not confident he'll be any help in this regard, but Yato's a good friend, so Yamato's willing to at least try.]
I don't, it's fine [Even if he did, staying up late won't affect his
lack ofcoherence in the morning.] you can tell meno subject
Thanks. (;´∀｀)
Okay first of all, I guess in my visions I'm a warrior god. Σ(･口･)
I didn't think much of it before cuz like what does that even mean right????
At best I thought it meant I was a cool hero like a super viking or something. (•̀ᴗ•́)و ̑̑
But these things I've been seeing in my dreams have been making me think differently. Cuz in them I'm not fighting soldiers on a battlefield of anything.
They're more like women and children... People who can't really fight back. (._.)
I can't stop thinking about it.
[ He chose to confide in Yamato because of his general unflappability, and yet Yato is still a little nervous about the reply he'll get. His visions aren't "him", per se, but it's hard not to feel like he's accountable, if even a little bit. ]
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[IN WHAT WORLD DOES THAT MAKE SENSE... in Yamato's world apparently, but. He hasn't forgotten Yato's drawing of those masked demons, and a god would certainly be able to see ghost children. Besides, Yato's basically a modern-day warrior, in his opinion; it's not such a stretch.
The second reply takes a little longer, as he tries to put his thoughts together. Yamato's never been very good at words, but he remembers the look on Soujirou's face, when he'd "remembered" fighting so, so many people. Soujirou never told him the sorts of people he'd fought, but he hadn't had to; the idea of blood on his hands had been traumatizing enough.
This is different, though. Yamato is fiercely devoted to his friends, but Yato wouldn't be texting him in the middle of the night if he wanted empty reassurances. And as someone who'd made a point of fighting people who'd really deserved it, he can definitely understand why Yato would be disturbed by the thought of hurting innocents.]
do you think they were normal people? or could they have been ghosts like that girl you mentioned
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Yamato raises a good point, though. Could the villagers have been non-human? Could there have been a good reason why Yato would need to kill them? He ponders, suddenly unsure, and tries to recall the details. ]
They seemed normal to me. They were just going about their daily life. But it looked like it was a long time ago, back in feudal Japan or something.
If anything, I was more ghost-like than they were. They usually couldn't see me until it was too late.
And also I was tiny. Couldn't have been more than like 8 years old.
I guess I didn't feel guilty about any of it either... I found it kind of fun, actually. And my dad seemed really proud of me.
[ Not that he puts much stock in what his dad wants in the present... ]
I guess it could've been more than it seemed?
[ he's so unsure now... why this ]
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There's another delay as he takes in all of this, mulling over it in his mind and trying to imagine what Yato might've seen. Admittedly, the thought alone is difficult--but Yamato still isn't sure just how much stock he puts in the concept of these visions as "memories", yet.
Regardless, there is one thing he does know for certain.]
well
I can think of a bunch of different theories about why you might do something like that if you want to hear them, but first I can tell you that you aren't the only one who's had dreams like this
the feudal Japan part and everything
and just like that person, I know you wouldn't hurt anybody for no reason
so even if these are some weird visions of your past life or something
and I still don't know if I believe that
but even if that's the case, you and that kid aren't the same person
maybe you were once but you're not now
[Which isn't the greatest reassurance in the world, he knows... but he hopes Yato understands what he's trying to convey. He gets it, the guilt and the fear that deep down, you might be someone ugly and vicious--it's not something he wants to trivialize. But he also trusts his friends completely, especially Yato. And Yamato doesn't make declarations that he doesn't truly believe. So if nothing else, he hopes that Yato knows he has someone on his side, no matter what.]
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Yeah I guess you're right.
Even Yasu gets a clean hit in every once in a while. Thanks (°◡°♡)
[ What Yamato says isn't a new concept to Yato, but it helps to hear (read) it again. Sometimes it feels like the hallucinomemories bleed into the present. With the images fresh in his mind's eye, it's reassuring to have an anchor in reality. He has to remember that they're just visions...
But most of all, it helps to talk to someone else about it. To Yato, who never says quite enough his personal matters, the sharing of his burden is relief enough. ]
Who's "that person"? Don't get all anime on me... (」゜ロ゜)」
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[YOU'RE HILARIOUS YATO... now come here so he can kick your ass again, kthx.]
an old friend, I don't think you know him
it's not really for me to talk about anyway... I trust you but it's still his visions to share, not mine, you know?
[He doesn't want to go spreading Soujirou's business all over the place, especially when his illness has complicated his relationship with anything physical in the first place. Yamato's surprisingly good at keeping people's business to himself... he has no filter for himself, but he loves his friends enough to protect their privacy.]
I know Kiyomitsu's had some dreams too but I don't know if he saw anything scary, he hasn't told me
he might tell you though
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Why would he tell me but not you?
You guys aren't having another lover's spat are you Σ(･_･)
[ A joke, or not... who even knows anymore ]
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wait what do you mean
what did he tell you
[So much has happened so quickly and with their intense fight not so long ago, there's a chance Kashuu did tell him and Yamato just straight-up forgot. But knowing Kiyomitsu "what problems I don't have problems idk what you're talking about" Kashuu...]
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That guy doesn't tell me anything, geez
What's up with you guys hiding stuff from each other...
Aren't you supposed to be like superbros or something
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Honestly, with anyone else, Yamato might shut the conversation down right here. This whole thing is an extremely sensitive subject, and even now he doesn't really want to get into just how much it hurts, the way Kashuu will blatantly lie to him--and to himself, really. But it's late, and Yato's a good friend, someone who just shared a vulnerable part of himself with him. He at least deserves an honest response.]
kiyomitsu doesn't like talking about bad things
I guess he thinks if he doesn't deal with them then they'll just go away or something
[Whereas Yamato will fixate and dwell on them for far longer than is healthy, certainly.]
he doesn't like talking about them with me the most, I think
He didn't even tell me when he moved out of town
[Which, granted, it's not like Yamato doesn't know why Kashuu bolted from the city. But he could have at least left a note saying he needed time alone. An email address. Anything at all. Years later and it still hurts.]
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[ Not that Yato can talk... really... He's left so many places abruptly. But self-awareness is ever his weak spot as a person... ]
I guess I understand it a little.
The more you care about how someone sees you, the more you wanna hide the bad stuff.
So I guess he hides the most from you because he's most afraid of you being upset or disappointed in him?
[ Yato only understands this notion because he does the exact same with Anya. Even if she never judges him, the fear is always there. ]
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[It's a strange thing, to know someone so well that you don't understand them at all. Soujirou had insisted Kashuu cared more than he ever let on, too, but Yamato's still not sure what to make of that.]
all I know is that there's a lot of stuff he doesn't want to talk about with me
that's why I thought he might talk to you instead
[Since, if Yato's theory is correct, Kashuu doesn't care as much about Yato's opinion of him, and thus wouldn't be afraid to talk about upsetting things. (And hey, he's right, if only by chance.
Of course, Kashuu cares about everyone's opinions, but. It's not the same. Regardless of how uncertain he is as to the state of Kashuu's feelings towards him, Yamato's willing to agree with that.]
I guess I couldn't be mad if he did though
talk about stuff with you I mean
since you're the only one who knows about that thing that happened with those guys
[WAY TO BE SPECIFIC, YAMS. He means his spontaneous alien healing, though--as well as the vision he'd seen during that fight, in fact. Congratulations on unintentionally becoming their secret keeper, Yato??]
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First Aki and Yuuko and Ryoji, now Yamato and Kashuu... Yato isn't sure how he keeps landing in the middle of secrets that he doesn't know are supposed to be secrets. Must be all the forceful intrusion into people's personal business. ]
When did I become a secret vault?
(Not that I mind, you can always tell me anything. (･ᴗ･̥̥̥))
You haven't told him about any of that stuff though? He'd probably be more candid with you if you opened up first.
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At least for Yamato's part, though, it's because he trusts Yato with this kind of thing. In truth, there aren't a whole lot of people Yamato's willing to discuss his Kashuu problems with, and while he feels bad for veering the conversation away from Yato's terrible dreams, maybe a distraction is what he needs right now. So he doesn't try to go back on course just yet.]
I told him about the fight of course
so that he could be prepared
but for the other stuff... he'd just worry, so there's no need. there's enough weird stuff happening to him personally as it is, I don't want to add to it
[That last bit makes him huff out a laugh, though it's quiet and wry.]
I open up too much, I think
I try to talk to him about things all the time but he always shuts down or runs away
it's been like that for a long time... even when we were kids he was
Nn... shy? no, guarded maybe? I don't know how to describe it
at least for a little while, then he started to be as bright as he is now
["Bright"... well, Yamato's never claimed to be good at words, so that's the closest he can come to describing Kashuu's easy sociability. As far as Yamato's concerned, Kashuu shines like a star in the middle of a room, which is why it breaks his heart even more to watch him shut down so completely.]
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[ goddamn
also "bright" YAMATO what does that even mean... Yato reads it as "intelligent" but that doesn't quite fit either, so then he reads it as some vague Anya-esque kira kira feeling ]
Sounds annoying tbh (ﾉ｀Д´)ﾉ
Here you are trying to connect and he runs away?? What kinda friendship is that? Ingrate!!
I'm gonna give him a piece of my mind (º言º)
[ so what if it's butt o'clock ]
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and he was there for that nightmare
[And then they slept together, except not in the fun way but in the "Yamato has abandonment issues and doesn't like being left alone" way...]
（笑）who knows, maybe he'd listen to you
you say everything with conviction, it's very impressive
[He's only saying this because he doesn't think Yato will actually do it?? IT'S BUTT O'CLOCK AND HE JUST HAD A NIGHTMARE ABOUT BEING A MURDERER surely he isn't in the mood to harass people, right? right]
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brb too busy harassing Kashuu ]
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I MEAN OOPS...]