okitactless | IC inbox; recolle

[STOP THE MONKEY IS AWFUL but he'll keep it anyway, ugh. Ugh.]

Because I feel like it. [A very Kashuu reason.] So tell me what you wanna eat, okay?

[Otherwise Kashuu will take the decision into his own hands and probably overestimate his cooking abilities and end up with something woefully subpar and ruin the holiday.]

[It is a very Kashuu reason... maybe he ate too much chocolate and wants to make something healthy to balance it out? A light dinner sounds pretty nice to him too, actually, so that's not an issue.]

Mm, we haven't had that chicken salad in a while. I know we have at least one bell pepper left, and I don't think we finished the cucumbers... [Man is it a lucky thing that Yamato knows how to cook healthy food on a budget because otherwise it'd just be Easy Mac Central up in here.] And some rice. How does that sound?

[At least Yamato doesn't ask questions... Kashuu feels a little less tense accordingly, feeling pretty safe in his escape from awkward situations and feeling like an awful punk.]

Sure, that sounds fine. [And it's actually within his capabilities in addition to being healthy! Amazing.] We can split these strawberries for dessert, too.

[He can't eat all of them...]

[Of course he doesn't ask questions, he's Yamato... half of Kashuu's logic doesn't make sense to him on a daily basis, he's learned to stop wasting time on questions.]

Okay! That sounds nice. [A bright smile--CRISIS AVERTED ON THIS END TOO.] So you got a lot of chocolate today?

[At least it helps both of them out in most cases... Mostly Kashuu, but still.

ANYWAY he's definitely glad to move on from that averted crisis. His poor heart can only take so much potential guilt in one day, okay.]

Mm, yeah. You can have some of it, if you want. [He sure isn't getting through this pile on his own?! And it is definitely A Pile... He nods over toward a bag set on the floor next to the kitchen counter, which has boxes and smaller bags sticking out of the top.] You should try one of the pink hearts in that box on top, I think you'll like those.

[It's what he gets for being weak to this face.]

Really? [And over he shuffles to investigate, blissfully unaware that his gift came from this very Pile. He takes the box on top and opens it carefully, though he's definitely not careful about popping the heart in his mouth.

Of course, since he's down here and it's not like he respects Kashuu's privacy anyway, he goes right on ahead rummaging around in the bag, nosing around through all the gifts. It's mostly chocolate and sweets, with a couple cute accessories thrown in, and.

Well.]

--ah?

[It's technically still sweets?

Is he opening the box? He's opening the box.]

Ehh, I didn't know you liked this kind of thing...

[He never asked for this cursed life.]

Yeah, really. I know your tastes by now.

[GOD, YAMS, don't doubt his knowledge!! His knowledge that Yamato is basically a human garbage disposal...

Anyway, while Yamato is rummaging around - which he doesn't bother stopping, because his fool ass thinks there's nothing in there that he'd miss or care about Yamato taking for himself - he'll step on over to the kitchen. Chicken salad is easy to make, but he might as well get it made now so he can just relax until dinner time...

That remark definitely draws his attention over, though.]

Hm?

[He's expecting to see an accessory or one of the unusual sweets (for some reason more than one person gave him chocolate-covered bacon this year??)...]

[But no.]

—Where did you get that?!

[AS IF IT'S YAMATO'S FAULT THAT A CANDY G-STRING APPEARED IN HIS BAG.]

Oh my god, don't take it out!!

But I want to see it!

[SAVE KASHUU 2K17 because he sure does have it out of the box now, holding it up to the light for a better look... it's a good thing they don't have other roommates?!]

Isn't it uncomfortable? Kiyomitsu, I'm sure there are much better options--

[look Kashuu he's being supportive and even concerned for your skin, isn't that what you always wanted??]

How would I know?! I don't go around wearing these—!

[They may not have roommates but Kashuu is screaming shrilly enough that the neighbors probably hear, anyway... GOOD WORK, PEANUT.

He's also practically jumping across the kitchen to try snatching it out of Yamato's hand.]

Well somebody must've thought you'd like them!

[AND NOPE he's not giving it up just yet, so he rolls across the floor to dodge, continuing to peer at it.]

It's okay if you do, you know, you really don't have to be embarrassed. [Says Yamato, the walking embarrassment]

[WHAT THE FUCK why is he so squirrely. Kashuu has to hop to avoid being knocked off his balance, but he's nyooming after in no time...]

As if I'd wear something like that! It'd get gross and sticky and— I'm not talking about this with you, just give it—! Or throw it away, I don't care - stop waving it around!!

[POMPOMS GOTTA GO]

Are you sure? You never know unless you try it-- [Okay, now it's obvious he's just being a genuine shithead and trying not to laugh... he does as Kashuu asks, though, and tosses the stupid thing at him. If it lands on Kashuu's head he's taking no responsibility.]

Who is it from, though? I mean, I know you said you got a lot of sweets, but I didn't think you'd accept that kind of gift in public...

[POMPOMS GOTTA STOP.

Anyway, it doesn't land on his head but he does scream and smack it out of the air reflexively. Several of the candy beads break when it whacks into the ground... Rip, g-string, you never had a chance to live.]

Look what you did!

[Everything is always Yamato's fault, gosh. ALWAYS.]

Ugh... I don't know! What box or bag was it in? It couldn't have just been sitting there like that, there's no way I would have missed it if it was unwrapped.

[He thinks?! God, he hopes some rando didn't hand him that box in public and he just grabbed it without looking or something, what the heck.]

Why are you mad that it broke if you don't want it? [Kashuu make up your dang mind!!

But he raises an eyebrow at that.] Are you sure you want me looking through there again? [WHAT IF IT'S GOT A MATCHING PIECE or if there's a ~love~ note or something... regardless, he scoots across the floor back to the bag, because walking is for losers or something.] I think it was that bag, there. The purple one.

I'm mad that you got the floor dirty! I just cleaned up.

[SURPRISINGLY TRUE or not surprising at all, considering the clean state he keeps things in at home whenever guests stop by...

He'll watch Yamato skunkle his way across the floor with a furrowed brow, either way, before bending down to sweep the candy into his palm so it doesn't get trampled into g-string candy dust.]

The purple one? That was from... ugh, I think one of the theater majors? I should've known it was that guy. [Apparently he has a history...

Either way, Yamato will see the edge of a paper sticking out of the bag if he checks and if he's a nosy shit and pulls it out, he'll find it's a 50% discount coupon to the nearest Lover's Package. Thanks, mystery man.]

Well why'd you smack it away then? [Maybe because you threw it at his face yams??

BUT A-SKUNKLIN HE GOES and now that he's found one embarrassing gem, of course he's going to be nosy and look for more... but fortunately for Kashuu's dignity, the rest is a pretty typical Valentine's haul. Yamato snags another one of the pink hearts, though, just because he can, as he peers into the Mystery Bag.]

50%? Wow, he must really like you. I hope you turned him down gently. [Yasusada Punkato is still alive and well, it seems.]

Because you threw it at me.

[He'll just stress the answer that they both know...

GOD, THOUGH. Now he's regretting letting this punk poke through his bag at all, but he's guessing (and is miraculously right) that there won't be any other unfortunate surprises in there. How bad can his luck be??]

50% what? [He only needs to get a glimpse at the logo before He Knows, though. The question is immediately followed with:] Ugh, I'm gonna break his nose before I break his heart.

[Kashuu needs more troll friends, is what you're saying here]

Aww, don't be mean. He bought you a gift and everything! [Says the guy who is actually under the impression this is a legit crush that just went way off the mark with Kashuu's interests, oops.] What are you going to give him for White Day?

[Yams nobody does White Day in recolle why are you a weeb]

[Meanwhile Kashuu just assumes that Yamato is being a SHITPUNK AS HE ALWAYS IS.]

If he was gonna waste his money, he should have at least gotten me something I'd like. Or eat.

[ANYTHING BUT A CANDY G-STRING. What a waste, what a waste... Anyway, after collecting the candy pieces and the ruined g-string, he'll go dump them into the trash, wash his hands, and carry on with dinner prep. Time to put that mess behind him!]

Who even buys gifts for White Day here? That's not a thing.

Maybe he wanted his gift to stand out. [Well it sure... did that...

But since the bag isn't interesting anymore, Yamato's done with his skunklin' and, after taking the box with the pink hearts, he plops down on the couch and throws his feet over the arm of it. These are his too now apparently... he's not gonna touch the fancy gift box until later, because... JUST BECAUSE.]

So? We're Japanese, we can make it a thing! [He says, in Japanese, because he is indeed a shitpunk.]

You don't just sacrifice common sense or tastefulness to stand out.

[He says now, but he's probably done the former for the sake of standing out in fashion more than once...

ANYWAY, over the sound of Chopping Things Up (and in English, because he refuses to play Yamato's punk games):]

No way. I never liked White Day, anyway.

[WHO'S SURPRISED BY THAT.]

IC inbox; recolle

just toss him into the air like the pikachu gif where he never comes back

where did he come from where did he go

into space

rip kashuu, turned into space peanut butter

i cant believe this is his au destiny...

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