IC inbox; recolle

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Yasusada

I'd rather be doing kendo

VOICE | TEXT | VIDEO | ACTION

Comments

1/2 bc I hate myself I guess

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Mm.

[Yamato's always been the one that stayed. With Kashuu, with his teacher, with countless other friends and even his own father--the situations may differ, but in the end, it's all the same. He's always been there, waiting, as if he could out-stubborn the passage of time. If you cling to the present hard enough, maybe it won't become the past, he'd thought once; now, it's all he can do to hope for scraps of memory. The fact that he's gotten anything more than that... it's more than he'd come to expect, after a while.

Especially with Kashuu. It hasn't been that long since Kashuu stepped back into his life, making him realize he'd been waiting for that very moment all along. The hurt is still potent, and the fear, even moreso-- the fear that one of these days, he really will push too hard, and drive his closest friend away again. It's why he's been far more careful than he ever used to be, and while he'd told Soujirou he couldn't live his life walking on eggshells, he knows it's more for his own benefit than Kashuu's. If he's careful, if Kashuu can at least see that he's trying... then maybe that would be enough to keep him close. Or so he'd thought.

But now, strangely enough, that fear is conspicuously absent. Sitting here, wrapped in the quiet of a gray morning, Yamato finds himself looking at Kashuu and trusting, for maybe the first time, that he won't leave again. Not for good. Yamato's not an idealist, nor is he oblivious to Kashuu's sensitivity--he's still not convinced that one too many missteps won't send him back across the sea. But the lingering fear of being left behind again, for good, is gone from his heart. Something in his words makes it easy to believe that right now, Kashuu's right where he wants to be, with no intention of going anywhere.]

Thank you. [But-- no, that's not enough. It's always so difficult to express himself when he's actually trying to think about it; nothing ever seems to convey what he's feeling once it's out in the air. How is he supposed to explain how happy it makes him, the idea that they've shared more than one lifetime? It's a sense of content, something that says "this is how it should be" and "I always want it to be this way". How is he supposed to tell Kashuu that when he hears those words, he can't help but think of the look on Kashuu's face in that alleyway-- that when he thinks of that fierce glint, it doesn't frighten him, but comfort him?]

Kiyomitsu, I--