okitactless | IC inbox; recolle

[Maybe it's because he knows Yamato only says what he believes to be true that he can bite his tongue here, bite back all of the pessimistic sentiment that acknowledges what an unrealistic promise it is. Yamato can't promise to always be by his side any more than Kashuu can promise that he won't leave again, but when he says it like that, it's not difficult to imagine him turning the whole world upside down to make it true.

Don't be afraid, he says, and Kashuu feels some knots in his complex bundle of anxiety loosen. It's really not fair at all, how the right words from this mess of a person can make him feel like things will be okay even at their most strained.

Maybe it's a little bit of huffiness that drives him forward at first, then - the childish desire to cuff Yamato upside the head for being so blunt and embarrassing as usual. But the moment is too tender for him to really get up the speed or energy, so he just ends up leaning in until their foreheads are touching, instead. A teeny, tiny bonk. And then he lets his rest there for a second, eyes closed, just feeling the absolute certainty of Yamato's presence.

This idiot's been by his side for a long time. He's almost entirely sure of it now. He doesn't have the right words to properly thank him for it - he's not exactly an easy person to get along with or be around - but for now, that doesn't seem to matter much.]

...I know.

[That he isn't alone, that Yamato will do his best to stay by his side, that he has no reason to be afraid.

That doesn't mean he won't be, of course. That doesn't guarantee he'll never be alone or unable to reach Yamato, either, but... It's more reassurance than he's had in a long time. He pulls back a little.]

You too, okay? I'll chase away anything that makes you sad.

[Night terrors or bloody memories or any other tangible or semi-tangible thing that he can get his hands on. The desire to protect doesn't feel entirely natural, but it wells up in his chest like he's been protecting things his whole life, anyway.]

Mm.

[Yamato's always been the one that stayed. With Kashuu, with his teacher, with countless other friends and even his own father--the situations may differ, but in the end, it's all the same. He's always been there, waiting, as if he could out-stubborn the passage of time. If you cling to the present hard enough, maybe it won't become the past, he'd thought once; now, it's all he can do to hope for scraps of memory. The fact that he's gotten anything more than that... it's more than he'd come to expect, after a while.

Especially with Kashuu. It hasn't been that long since Kashuu stepped back into his life, making him realize he'd been waiting for that very moment all along. The hurt is still potent, and the fear, even moreso-- the fear that one of these days, he really will push too hard, and drive his closest friend away again. It's why he's been far more careful than he ever used to be, and while he'd told Soujirou he couldn't live his life walking on eggshells, he knows it's more for his own benefit than Kashuu's. If he's careful, if Kashuu can at least see that he's trying... then maybe that would be enough to keep him close. Or so he'd thought.

But now, strangely enough, that fear is conspicuously absent. Sitting here, wrapped in the quiet of a gray morning, Yamato finds himself looking at Kashuu and trusting, for maybe the first time, that he won't leave again. Not for good. Yamato's not an idealist, nor is he oblivious to Kashuu's sensitivity--he's still not convinced that one too many missteps won't send him back across the sea. But the lingering fear of being left behind again, for good, is gone from his heart. Something in his words makes it easy to believe that right now, Kashuu's right where he wants to be, with no intention of going anywhere.]

Thank you. [But-- no, that's not enough. It's always so difficult to express himself when he's actually trying to think about it; nothing ever seems to convey what he's feeling once it's out in the air. How is he supposed to explain how happy it makes him, the idea that they've shared more than one lifetime? It's a sense of content, something that says "this is how it should be" and "I always want it to be this way". How is he supposed to tell Kashuu that when he hears those words, he can't help but think of the look on Kashuu's face in that alleyway-- that when he thinks of that fierce glint, it doesn't frighten him, but comfort him?]

Kiyomitsu, I--

[--But the world doesn't seem inclined to let him sort his words out, apparently.

A cheerful beep from his computer makes him jump, dragging his attention away just long enough for one very important thing to become apparent.]

...What happened to the sky?!

[Sorry Kashuu, but Yamato's pushing you over so he can crawl over to the window, shoving the curtains aside. He'd gotten so distracted by their conversation that he'd failed to notice the very thing that sent Kashuu barging in here in the first place...]

Hey—!

[Ah, there he goes, SHOVED RUDELY TO THE SIDE. And there goes their sparkly morning shoujo moment, ruined by technology... And also the fact that Retrospec's apparently leveled up in villainy enough to steal literal colors from the world around them.]

...Yeah, that happened.

[Good work, Kashuu.

He sits back a little after righting himself, since he's not particularly wanting to get bowled over a second time if Yamato decides to bounce away to look out the front door or something.]

It's the trees, too.

[RIP IN PIECES SHOUJO MOMENT, you were too pure for these morons...

Yamato doesn't nyoom off to go look out the front door, but he does scoot over to push his curtains all the way open, pressing his face against the glass to look as hard as he can.]

That doesn't even make sense! How is this possible?!

The same way it was somehow possible for them to make everyone super tiny?

[He says this with the air of a verbal shrug because HE HAS NO IDEA ACTUALLY and he doubts he ever will... Changing eye colors is one thing but removing colors entirely from THE WORLD ITSELF is a little too next-level for him.]

It'll probably just be like this for a week or whatever, though...

[FOOLISH KASHUU.]

But the sky...

[HELP HIM... he's so sad?? This is way more tragic than his eyes, what the heck. NOBODY CARES ABOUT HIS EYES except Kashuu apparently BUT THE SKY IS IMPORTANT]

It doesn't even look like a cloudy day... this is the worst.

[It's okay, Kashuu is distressed enough about his eyes to make up for his complete lack of caring.]

It is really spooky. Like, talk about post-apocalyptic scenery, yeah?

[GAYSEAL.GIF]

Yeah... [He sinks back, finally, rubbing his eyes one more time as if that'll help. It doesn't, of course, and his shoulders droop slightly. Even his hair looks like it's sadly deflating...]

Do you think they'll go after the other colors too?

[Oh no, what a sad and defeated pom... Kashuu pauses after a second, reaching out to ruffle Yamato's hair.]

Who knows? [REASSURING.] But we'll find a way to deal with it like we've been dealing with everything else.

[THAT'S NOT REASSURING... Yamato's big ol' gray eyes are doubtful as he glances at Kashuu, but he nods slightly anyway, like he's trusting Kashuu knows this stuff for certain.]

I don't want them to change your eyes again. [It's fine if it's his own eyes, apparently, but he knows how much Kashuu freaked out the first time, and to take away the red too, once he's used to it? Replacing it with gray, of all things? That'd be even worse.]

[DON'T DOUBT HIM!!

Anyway, he reaches out to lightly tug at Yamato's stupid fluffy hair before ruffling it once more.]

What, d'you like the red that much? I know, it really suits me.

[A far cry from back when he'd worn sunglasses for like 24 full hours... But it does feel more "normal" now. He's thought about it before, and come to the conclusion that he'd actually feel weird if his natural eye color returned.]

You said it, didn't you? We matched.

[As if he knows anything about #aesthetic... but he doesn't need to understand it to know that he liked the way they'd looked together, even if he'd rarely seen it.]

Besides, they're brighter. So it's easier to tell when you're happy. [Look at that, he can be even more embarrassing]

[WHAT THE HECK... Kashuu, who'd been about to be endeared by the matchy sentiment, just ends up looking embarrassed instead... He reaches out reflexively to whack Yamato's arm.]

It wasn't hard to tell when I was happy before!

Ow!

[STOP THAT KASHUU this is like the third time you've done that in the past ten minutes??]

That's not what I meant! It's just that you have big smiles and little smiles but sometimes your eyes light up even when it's a little smile, so I can tell how you're feeling! [stop him]

[HE CAN'T STOP. He also can't stop Yamato from being a huge embarrassment which means he's gotta go right now immediately.]

Don't just say things like that...! [UGH, UGH. He's scooting his way off the bed, bye nerd.] Anyway, even though it looks super apocalyptic outside, I still have work.

[DON'T FLEE KASHUU embrace the embarrassment...

But now that their sparkly shoujo moment is ruined beyond redemption (again??), there's nothing for it. Yamato sighs, glancing back out the window one more time before he pulls the curtain shut again.]

Alright. I'm going back to sleep. [RETROSPEC MAKES HIM TIRED.]

IC inbox; recolle

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1/2 bc I hate myself I guess

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why are you this way!!!!

AHHHH ur influence probably

why are u so slanderous

I need something to focus on besides these morons

IS THAT REALLY HELPING

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