Yamato no Kami Yasusada (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
okitactless) wrote2020-06-07 01:23 pm
okitactless) wrote2020-06-07 01:23 pmEntry tags:
tonbo - catchall
I'll shitpost later
okitactless) wrote2020-06-07 01:23 pm
no subject
...I would have helped you. [He's sure some of the others are angry at Tonbokiri for killing, for his choices of targets, for his methods of killing. And maybe Yasusada would judge all of that, too, if he wasn't feeling so personally wounded. But as it is, there's little he can focus on besides the struggle to express his own feelings.] I just--wanted to do something.
[He'd felt so helpless, watching the weeks pass by with no indication of progress. Not even the slightest hint that anything was happening. He'd simply thought the escalation of bodies was a sign that people were getting desperate to win.]
no subject
[ he's struggled with this, holding this role close to his chest while the others pointed accusing fingers at each other only to discover this is what the snake wanted all along. perhaps he should have been quietly more open about it but given the "warnings" that happened, being worried for everyone's safety was a valid concern ]
We did not get our first mission until weeks into the game when tensions already began rising high. I did not want to risk scapegoating another person needlessly for just knowing information.
[ he sighs then, the stress of all the trials hitting him all at once ]
I will admit that a part of me was also scared to lose another comrade like we lost almost everyone else aboard the ship. The last thing I had wanted was for one of us to be executed in such a fashion and to my dismay, I failed you. I do apologize for that.
no subject
Unbidden, Yasusada thinks of what Wei Wuxian told him on the bus. The idea of Kanesada dying is hard enough to wrap his head around--he hasn't forgotten that those from the ship had more or less "failed". How differently would he have acted, if things had ended badly at the castle?
In a situation like that, he's pretty sure he knows what choices he would've made.]
Those places affected us a lot, didn't they.
[Yasusada's been dealing with these games for 15 weeks, at this point. He hadn't realized just how much his time in the castle had affected his choices here, not until he made his most important choice.]
no subject
[ he's learned that far too well over the past few weeks. things that would have never bothered him once now lock him up in a swirl of emotions. certain phrases or words trigger strong reactions. it's like watching their masters come back from war, distrusting of everyone but their most closely kept men. ]
These games have affected us quite more strongly than I had anticipated.