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Yasusada

I'd rather be doing kendo

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[The worst part, probably, is that Yamato doesn't even look surprised. His eyes are still a maelstrom of upset, but he nods, like this is exactly what he thought Kashuu was going to say all along. And maybe it was. He knows Kashuu cares more than he wants to admit to anybody, especially to himself. Doesn't this just prove it? How can he not see that he never really moved on, like he so desperately claims? How can he cling to that sword so tightly and still hiss that everything they had was a waste? It's contradictory and stupid and Yamato isn't sure how much more he can take without just punching Kashuu himself.

"Don't touch me," he says, and that gets a reaction--a brief flash of surprise, and a half-step backwards as Kashuu tears himself away, like the recoil from a gun. But it fades quickly, and he shakes his head.]

This is exactly what I'm talking about. You say I'm the one hung up on the past and it doesn't matter, but you can't even let go of a sword you say you're never going to use again? What, are you going to throw it away? Use it on me? [He doesn't bother stopping to let Kashuu acknowledge either of those. They're not real options, as far as he's concerned.] If it's so useless , how come you can't even let go of this one thing?

[He shakes his head again, taking another step back, but this time, it's to steady himself.] You can lie to yourself all you want, Kiyomitsu, but you can't fool me. And I won't listen to you trying to tell me that the only thing that's ever mattered to me is a stupid waste of time. Not anymore.

[Maybe someday he'll be able to admit that it's the only thing he's good at. The only thing he's ever known how to do. But he doesn't have the words, and that's not a thought at the forefront of his mind right now.

His shoulders have risen in tension, but his head hangs low, bowed with the weight of these heavy feelings.]

Find someone else to watch your back next time.

[The most painful, terrifying thing in the world to Yamato is watching the people he loves walk away from him. As it turns out, he learns, as he backs up a few more steps and turns around, it doesn't feel any better when it's his own decision.]

[sharplydressed]

[He doesn't even want to explain to Yamato why he's wrong - even though he's not entirely wrong, rarely ever is about things like this - just because it somehow seems too personal now. While he tends to shy away from sharing those painful or embarrassing personal things with Yamato even on good days, it's too much to bear the thought of now, when Yamato is the one turning his back first. Maybe when he's in a more self-deprecating mood, he'll figure he deserves this. Right now, it just feeds into his current negativity and anger, leading to a bizarre sort of vindication when he turns around to leave, too.

Petulantly, he wants to shout after him; something like fine or that won't be hard or any assortment of things designed to hurt. It's not that he wants to get the last word in for the sake of smugness so much as for his own self-defense.

In the end, he doesn't say anything. Ignoring those needling words might just be playing into the notion that he runs from everything he dislikes or can't handle, but right now, that's not important for him to disprove. Not really.

So he doesn't wait or watch Yamato's back as he leaves, and he isn't the one to extend the olive branch either even though the opportunity is his as much as it had been Yamato's. He walks away, too, with the pointed air of someone who doesn't plan on coming back any time soon - and he won't. While Yamato is staying with his mom, Kashuu will be couch surfing for three or four days or so until he gets tired of feeling like he's barred from his own home (even if it's self-inflicted). For now? He's not focusing on the "where" beyond "anywhere that I won't have to see Yamato's face".

Especially since he can already feel his own heating up further in anger and shame, and he's not about to cry in public.]