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I don't wanna talk about it.

[It's about as direct as he ever gets when it comes to topics like this. When he reaches the end of his rope, or the extent of his ability to gracefully dart and toe around unsavory subjects, he only has a few paths of action left to fall back on. He can either say it directly and hope it'll be enough to dissuade Yamato from pressing (a rare occurrence), or he can get up and physically remove himself from the conversation.

Which isn't exactly an option right now, unless he feels like tripping around in the dark.]

You never want to talk about it.

[It's simple fact, but his tone makes it seem like a personal attack, with how dejected he sounds. He gets it, of course. It's not like he can't understand why Kashuu is the way he is. But for him, the past is nothing but a treasure--it houses the memories of their first meeting, of all the time they spent together, of how close they were and what good partner-opponents they made.

Kashuu and Soujirou's departures began the slow destruction of their little family, and Yamato had been helpless to do anything but watch as one by one, the friends he'd been so close to chose to turn and walk away from him. But even then, he can't hate what they had. He's always known where he wants to be, and even if he never speaks to Ryusei again, even if Kashuu never picks up another bokuto, at least he can keep those things safe in his mind. For Kashuu to reject all that so adamantly... he can understand it objectively, sure, but Yasusada isn't sure it'll ever stop feeling like a pointed rejection of all that they'd once shared.]

[Nope.

He can't do it. Tripping around in the dark is a better option after all.

It's the pointed delivery and the dejection he can't handle, because Kashuu is not a bad person and that means he's not as callous as he likes to pretend. He is selfish, though. He feels guilt over the things he's done and the hurt he's caused, but he doesn't address it, shoves it aside, refuses to deal with it like he refuses to deal with all of the other ugly things in his life. It's only times like now that it comes back to remind him it's alive and well and thriving.

That ugly part of him reminds him of its existence too, wanting to lash out and be angry with Yamato for daring to provoke these things with just a few words, just the gentle cadence of his tone. He knows it isn't Yamato's fault. He knows none of these things are done out of maliciousness - it's just the way he is. He means no harm. He never does.

But he still reaches over, posture rigid, and pushes at Yamato's shoulder to reestablish some physical distance.]

So stop asking.

[Yamato's never been that good with words. "I can't stop" and "but I miss the you that you were" might be clear and simple in his heart, but he's never found a good way to properly convey them. It's all he can do to push when Kashuu closes up, to cling when Kashuu pulls away--to just take all the little cuts and wounds from the barbs he throws out in defense.

It's all he can do, all he does every time, but that doesn't mean it doesn't hurt. He doesn't move away; instead, he turns his face into Kashuu's shoulder, sighing heavily. "You can't run from it forever" is something else that lingers on the tip of his tongue, but that, at least, he's smart enough not to say out loud. Not until he can figure out a better way to put it, anyway.

He doesn't give Kashuu physical space, but he will, at least, drop the topic for now. Not for good, never for good, but it's almost as if he can sense the urge to run building up inside Kashuu, and his desire to keep him close by outweighs the crushing need to talk about the past.]

You know I won't. [It's quiet, mumbled into Kashuu's shoulder, but no less true for it. Yamato might lack tact, but he's not stupid. He knows himself better than it might seem.

That's all he says about it, though. He moves his hand off of Kashuu's in order to slide the phone over, turning it over to tap at the back.] Isn't there a reset button or something on these things?

[Kashuu may be notoriously difficult as an individual, but Yamato knows how to handle him well enough. Better than anyone else in the city, certainly. He had been on the cusp of pushing his own chair back, storming from the room, and leaving them both in separate, hostile, incompanionable silence.

He's not exactly happy with that answer, either. He know Yamato is being truthful. He knows any answer but this would be a lie. It still irks him anyway, still keeps him tense - but he settles back a little and doesn't try to shove him away a second time. He just folds his hands into his lap when Yamato's finally moves away and pulls his legs up onto the chair, reflexively self-protective.

Yamato provides a gracious enough escape from the topic he hates so much, and he takes it immediately.]

I dunno, but you can pop the battery out and that's usually enough.

Edited 2017-03-16 07:24 (UTC)

[He'd known Kashuu would take it, and maybe it's just because of the sheer predictability, but it breaks his heart just that much more when it happens. It's completely irrational, and he knows it, but he can't help feeling inexplicably disappointed whenever Kashuu doesn't prove him wrong.

But he offered the out, so he won't take it back. No matter how desperately he wants to.]

We should try that. Just in case the outage doesn't fix the issue.

I guess.

[He's still terse and speaking shortly, but that's probably also to be expected. Maybe part of him is aware of that lurking disappointment and he doesn't want to give himself any room in which it could possibly be addressed. Maybe he just doesn't want to give Yamato the opening to try bringing up ugly topics again.

He holds a hand out.]

Lemme give it a shot.

[He's probably right to be wary--it wouldn't be the first time Yamato's dropped a topic, only to bring it right back up again a couple of hours later, as if they'd never stopped talking about it. But Yamato's well aware that no matter what he says from this point on, it would just lead to a fight. And the last thing he wants right now is to be alone in the dark, with nothing but memories to keep him company.

He obediently passes the phone over, humming softly.]

My phone hasn't done anything weird, but now that I think about it, something weird happened at work yesterday.

[He'll work at prying his cover and the back panel off, but it's clear he's still paying attention to Yamato as he works. He's mostly just trying to keep his hands busy at this point, anyway. The actual shock of his phone being a RUDE TRAITOR has faded in the face of his general wariness of the current conversational situation here.]

Yeah? What happened?

[For once, Yamato's actually pretty concerned about what's going on--if only because he doesn't understand how this... app or company or whatever could've found out the things it said about Kashuu, let alone the perfect phrasing to hit him right where it would hurt. He hasn't asked his parents if they know about what's going on yet, but could the same thing happen to them?

It's not good. Not good at all.]

A bunch of us ended up with signs on our backs that had weird stuff written on them. Mine was some dumb thing I thought when I was a kid, so I just figured it was somebody from school pulling a prank, but I know it wasn't just me so now I'm not so sure.

[The way he eases out of his anger is usually pretty obvious, especially to someone like Yasusada who knows him so well. He's always like this - quick to explode, quick to forgive. He doesn't like the stilted silences that sometimes linger between them either, and he is still reeling from the sting of what his phone had recited. It doesn't take long before he's leaning back toward Yasusada just a little, like a flower seeking out the sun.

He just hums in response to what's said, in any case, unsurprised.]

I saw some of those. Izumi had one on his back and Bigby had one, too. Was it only at the library? [Rudeass librarians--]

What did yours say?

[He'd like to think this would be easier if he could see Kashuu's face, but he knows that's not the case. All he'd get is a clearer version of the same old expression--closely guarded hurt, tightly sealed unease that he refuses to acknowledge, no matter how obvious it really is.

Kashuu's body language speaks volumes anyway, and it helps a little, to feel the tension dissipate, even minutely. He hasn't lifted his head from Kashuu's shoulder, but he shift enough to speak clearly, even as he huffs.]

M'sure he deserved it. [GRUMBLE GRUMBLE, Yamato is forever petty and he does not care.] Nothing important, like I said. Just something silly I used to think.

[...Is he embarrassed. He might be a little embarrassed.]

In this case? Totally.

[YOU DON'T JUST FORGET THE NAME OF THE FIRST PERSON YOU FALL IN LOVE WITH!! He's a romantic at heart okay and that was just a big sigh-worthy moment.

...That said, he doesn't actually mean it even now. Secrets are important, okay. He wouldn't wish random secret-sharing on anyone, even for stupid secrets.

SPEAKING OF-- He'll just reach over to pinch Yamato's ear...]

Don't clam up now. I wanna know what it was!

[IT WOULD BE TRUE IN ANY CASE Yamato is sure of that!! But whatever, he has more important things to think about than that traitor, like how he's SUDDENLY BEING ATTACKED.]

Ow! Alright, alright! [Ugh!!] I think I still have the paper, actually.

[Because Yamato is definitely the type to wear the same pair of pants two days in a row... and to forget things in his pockets until it goes through the wash and gets ruined. He sighs, finally pulling away to pat his pockets down, and sure enough, there's a crumpled up piece of paper in one of them. He tosses it at Kashuu, uncaring if it lands on a candle and catches on fire, too busy bending down to inspect his foot again. HOW FASCINATING...]

[Unfortunately for him, Kashuu snatches it up before it can be eaten by the candle. He's not going to let a potential opportunity to make fun of Yamato go to waste?!

He'll open it up without pause too and it's a good thing Yamato's looking away, because he's definitely wearing one of his shit-eating amused smiles...]

Pff— Seriously? Fourteen? Just what kinda weird life do you live where you can believe stuff like this for so long without anyone bursting your bubble?

[He says, as if he hasn't actively contributed to this phenomenon at times...]

[Aaaand Kashuu gets a nice kick to the shin.]

Ah, it looks like I didn't break anything after all.

[SHUT UP look it's not? His fault? That nobody taught him science??? This is like the time he learned that the letters on bingo balls spelled "BINGO"...]

Ow—! You jerk!

[HIS POOR LEG he's immediately pulling both of them up onto the chair, untangling himself from Yamato the rest of the way in doing so. He's gotta keep his shins safe...]

Oops.

[HE DOESN'T SOUND SORRY AT ALL.

And hey, nobody gave you permission to move away, peanut?? Straightening up, he reaches out to latch loosely onto Kashuu's sleeve again, uncomfortable without some kind of contact. The candles are fine, but still...

Speaking of:]

What are we going to do if we run out of candles before the power comes back?

[UGH. He literally just "ugh"s out loud, but he doesn't shake away Yamato's hands, either. He doesn't like being alone in the dark any more than his punk companion does, okay...]

There's no way the power'll be out that long. [...But if it is?] I'm gonna take a nap if we run out.

[Well don't stomp off when he tries to talk feelings, then!!]

Alright, but if you sleep too long then I'm eating your half of the food in the fridge first.

[Gotta keep that yogurt from going bad somehow]

[Look he dislikes the dark but he dislikes that even more, okay.]

Don't be an idiot.

[He'll fight Yamato for the yogurt?? Except not really, he doesn't care as long as it's not His Favorite Foods that are being eaten. Still, it's the principle of never accepting defeat... or something.]

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