[Yamato's ability to get right to the heart of it is striking and it leaves Horikawa, once again, fumbling for a reply. In spite of their brief, tenuous, bouts of company, if there was one thing that was clear about Yamato, it was his devotion to his god and how seriously he took that relationship. If Horikawa allows himself to be honest, jealous even, he wants that for himself.
But he doesn't say so. It wouldn't be fair to compare their circumstances. And he meant it, truly and honestly, when he said he was glad to hear this Commander-kun had returned.
But it's easier to see how devotion could easily turn to self doubt in this circumstances and if Yamato is someone that persevered then it gives Horikawa hope that he can do the same.]
So perhaps the new gods are simply more susceptible to whatever forces are working against them? [If that's the case it gives them even more reason to do their job, and do it well, but does also absolve them of blame. At least directly.]
There is something else though. [He adds shortly after, because they're not the same, and it would feel like a lie not to come completely clean.]
it could be yes. it's hard to say for sure but I know you're not a bad shinki.
[Yamato's biased towards shinki in general, but in this case, he definitely means it. Horikawa still makes him uncomfortable, and thinking about that makes him uncomfortable, but he would never wish this kind of self-doubt and worry on anyone else.]
[Text can be a rather cold form a communication, especially like this without one's own hand to give it personality. But he hopes the genuine appreciation shines through.
Especially when put at odds with what he's about to ask.]
I know this is purely hypothetical but. What might you have done if you didn't get along with the commander? Or if she somehow made it seem like she didn't want you?
[He sends the query off without trying to think about it too much but but he quickly amends.] Ah if that's too much then, at the very least, I would be curious what you would advise for another shinki in that situation.
[It's hard to imagine now, but it's not like the thought hadn't crossed his mind in those first few days. It's only been a few months, hardly the span of a breath to a sword dead person, and remembers his feelings clearly enough that an answer isn't too hard.
That being said, though, after all he's seen and heard, it's probably not the same as what he would've said back then.]
well, I think it's important to be loyal and take care of your god as much as you can because you were given to them because they need you right? so even if your personalities don't match I think you can still love each other
[Ah yes, there it is--the inability to differentiate between loyalty and love. They've always been the same for him, so why should that change now?]
but if they were treating you badly... like hurting you or neglecting you or being cruel then I think it's okay to ask to be released. there's no reason to stay together if you aren't supporting each other to the best of your abilities right
[Easier said than done, he's aware, but that's still his go-to answer. Becoming a nora to get away from a bad god? Nope. Still unacceptable.
If she hadn't wanted him, though... the very thought has his stomach twisting. He already knows his answer to that, too, but he hates thinking about a situation like that.]
if she didn't want me then I would serve her anyway
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no subject
But he doesn't say so. It wouldn't be fair to compare their circumstances. And he meant it, truly and honestly, when he said he was glad to hear this Commander-kun had returned.
But it's easier to see how devotion could easily turn to self doubt in this circumstances and if Yamato is someone that persevered then it gives Horikawa hope that he can do the same.]
So perhaps the new gods are simply more susceptible to whatever forces are working against them? [If that's the case it gives them even more reason to do their job, and do it well, but does also absolve them of blame. At least directly.]
There is something else though. [He adds shortly after, because they're not the same, and it would feel like a lie not to come completely clean.]
no subject
[Yamato's biased towards shinki in general, but in this case, he definitely means it. Horikawa still makes him uncomfortable, and thinking about that makes him uncomfortable, but he would never wish this kind of self-doubt and worry on anyone else.]
what is it?
no subject
[Text can be a rather cold form a communication, especially like this without one's own hand to give it personality. But he hopes the genuine appreciation shines through.
Especially when put at odds with what he's about to ask.]
I know this is purely hypothetical but. What might you have done if you didn't get along with the commander? Or if she somehow made it seem like she didn't want you?
[He sends the query off without trying to think about it too much but but he quickly amends.] Ah if that's too much then, at the very least, I would be curious what you would advise for another shinki in that situation.
no subject
sworddead person, and remembers his feelings clearly enough that an answer isn't too hard.That being said, though, after all he's seen and heard, it's probably not the same as what he would've said back then.]
well, I think it's important to be loyal and take care of your god as much as you can because you were given to them because they need you right? so even if your personalities don't match I think you can still love each other
[Ah yes, there it is--the inability to differentiate between loyalty and love. They've always been the same for him, so why should that change now?]
but if they were treating you badly... like hurting you or neglecting you or being cruel then I think it's okay to ask to be released. there's no reason to stay together if you aren't supporting each other to the best of your abilities right
[Easier said than done, he's aware, but that's still his go-to answer. Becoming a nora to get away from a bad god? Nope. Still unacceptable.
If she hadn't wanted him, though... the very thought has his stomach twisting. He already knows his answer to that, too, but he hates thinking about a situation like that.]
if she didn't want me then I would serve her anyway