I'm not, I promise. [If nothing else, he knows the other swords hate it too. Guilty or not, they deserved the honor of having weapons.
Still, depending on their behavior yesterday, anyone's condolences today might feel totally empty. If he's the only one who's expressed it so clearly, then he'll stand by that.]
...Do you want to stay on this side? [He doesn't know how else to phrase it.] Or would you rather be over there, with him?
[Maybe this question, too, is cruel. But he knows the pain of being left behind, even though he doesn't understand humans. What would Nie Huaisang want for her? What does she want, for herself?]
[ she lets go of him, after a moment. moves to go sit on the bed instead, wiping her eyes. she's gotten used to navigating without her full eyesight. it's not so bad.
she thinks about her answer. ]
It's not that I want to die. [ beau says, finally. she pulls her knees to her chest. ] And... and I think I can't go, just yet. There are people here that need me, and I know A-Sang doesn't want me to follow him.
But I am tired. I'm tired of being here. I want a break. I just won't get one.
[She pulls away, and he lets her, but he follows her over and sits carefully beside her.
"I'm tired of being here", she says, and that's completely understandable. "I think we all are," is what someone else might say--but right now, he doesn't care very much about what everyone is feeling as a whole. He doesn't think she does, either.]
I didn't know him very well. We only spoke a little. [Does he regret that? Not really. Yasusada has his people, and while he's friendly to others, he isn't a social butterfly. It's only after the events of yesterday and today that he's even found his attention fully on Beau, heart aching in sympathy for the parallels between them.
If it had been Okita, he would have drawn his sword on all of them without hesitation. The fact that she mostly lashed out with her words makes her more honorable than he is, probably.] You don't have to tell me, if you don't want to. But--did he tell you why?
[ she doesn't care. and she's so, so relieved that he doesn't say it, because for once, she wants to hurt, and not feel guilty for it. for once, she wants to be selfish, she wants to not downplay, she wants to feel what she's feeling.
yasusada sits next to her, and she leans a little closer, out of habit. ]
I think I know why. But I don't think I'm allowed to tell you much. [ she says it quietly, apologetically, glancing at him. ] I'm only partially sure, anyway. He couldn't confirm anything.
That's alright. I understand. [He nods a little; it's not all that surprising. Still, he's glad there was a reason. Or, well--there's almost always some kind of reason, but he doesn't think she would've been so pained, if he'd done it just for the sake of it.] I'd just like to help. If I can.
[But he didn't come here to grill her for information. If helping is just sitting here and keeping her company, then he'll do that.]
[ honestly, just... sitting with her for a while, that helps. she goes quiet if he doesn't have anything else to say, but eventually she carefully offers him her hand and eases to lean against the wall.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
no subject
Still, depending on their behavior yesterday, anyone's condolences today might feel totally empty. If he's the only one who's expressed it so clearly, then he'll stand by that.]
...Do you want to stay on this side? [He doesn't know how else to phrase it.] Or would you rather be over there, with him?
[Maybe this question, too, is cruel. But he knows the pain of being left behind, even though he doesn't understand humans. What would Nie Huaisang want for her? What does she want, for herself?]
no subject
she thinks about her answer. ]
It's not that I want to die. [ beau says, finally. she pulls her knees to her chest. ] And... and I think I can't go, just yet. There are people here that need me, and I know A-Sang doesn't want me to follow him.
But I am tired. I'm tired of being here. I want a break. I just won't get one.
no subject
"I'm tired of being here", she says, and that's completely understandable. "I think we all are," is what someone else might say--but right now, he doesn't care very much about what everyone is feeling as a whole. He doesn't think she does, either.]
I didn't know him very well. We only spoke a little. [Does he regret that? Not really. Yasusada has his people, and while he's friendly to others, he isn't a social butterfly. It's only after the events of yesterday and today that he's even found his attention fully on Beau, heart aching in sympathy for the parallels between them.
If it had been Okita, he would have drawn his sword on all of them without hesitation. The fact that she mostly lashed out with her words makes her more honorable than he is, probably.] You don't have to tell me, if you don't want to. But--did he tell you why?
no subject
yasusada sits next to her, and she leans a little closer, out of habit. ]
I think I know why. But I don't think I'm allowed to tell you much. [ she says it quietly, apologetically, glancing at him. ] I'm only partially sure, anyway. He couldn't confirm anything.
no subject
[But he didn't come here to grill her for information. If helping is just sitting here and keeping her company, then he'll do that.]
no subject
what a good sword. ]